The Weight of the Future

Jon and I will be leaving soon to head on up to Indianapolis. It will be a nice week to relax and spend time with Jon's family. I've been looking forward to this trip ever since returning from our last vacation. If only we could live life vacationing, how awesome would that be?!? Anyways...

I continue to be challenged lately in my walk with the Lord. Through reading scripture and listening to some sermons I've felt convicted to spend more time in the Word and in prayer but there are other things driving me as well. As I think ahead to joining with my husband in ministry and starting a family the burden weighs even heavier. How can I possibly take on such responsibility if I'm not grounded firmly in Christ? I can't do anything without him! The eternal weight of such things should indeed drive me to Christ. As I think of coming alongside my husband as he, under the authority of Christ, leads a church I can't help but think of all those who will be following Jon's leadership. Being in such a position we willingly take on the responsibility to live a life that points to God. People will be watching and one day we will have to account for our actions. As I think of being a godly mother my heart skips a beat but it also realizes that such a life consists of loving correction, discipline and encouragement, all wrapped up in the desire to bring and grow our children up in the Lord. I can't even begin to imagine what that will entail. As I think on all of these things I know I must rely on the Lord.

In another slightly related topic I have felt even more conviction stemming from the fact that I find myself so easily enjoying way too much time in front of the television set when the hunger and desire of my heart should be for the Lord. I read recently in the Hudson Taylor book that he would spend up to 13 hours a day revising a copy of the New Testament in Chinese. 13 hours!!! Have I ever spent this kind of time devoted to the work of God? This conviction has just been settling in and I'm not sure what it means as far as lifestyle changes but I'm sure something will have to give.

The older I get and the more I grow in Christ the stronger I feel the tension between living in the world but not of the world. I wonder what that kind of life should look like as a believer here in North America. What does it mean to forsake the world for the cause of Christ? I'm guessing it will mean more time in scripture and in prayer with less distractions such as television and movies. It will mean less time wrapped up in myself and more time investing in the lives of others with the desire to see them realize the depths of their sin and the amazing sacrifice of the perfect Lamb of God. The list could go on.

I couldn't be more excited about the next phase of life but right now I'm reeling with the weight of the future. Things will not suddenly change when Jon finishes seminary. We won't magically become more prayerful and faith-filled, that should be our reality right now.

The Lost Art of Being Still

"Why are you so downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God."

Psalm 42:11

I am exhausted. My night at work has been a battle and I have felt overcome with discouragement. God has been teaching me so much during these past couple of years I have worked 3rd shift but there are nights, like tonight that I feel stretched to my limit. The emotions that come with being deprived of sleep, and hours spent alone can be unbearable. Sadly enough earlier tonight I was thinking about how well I've learned to be still working nights. There have been many a night when I would joyfully sit in silence before the Lord. It's funny how we think we have mastered something but are quickly humbled with the realization that we are not as put together as we once thought. Oh well. I know when I do move on from this job I will miss the hours I had to reflect and grow. The hours after finishing my tasks that I had to sit and read, journal, pray etc. I know I will miss this...but that is not at all what I feel like right now.

"Be still, and know that I am God."- Psalm 46:10

July 22, 2006

Happy Three Year Anniversary Baby!! These past couple of years have flown by and the year we have coming up is going to be filled with even more excitement. I'm so blessed to have you by my side. I love you Jonathan!!

Tennessee Vacation

Don't you just hate how quickly vacations end? I sure do. This past week Jon and I spent four days down in Pigeon Forge TN with my parents and two youngest sisters. It was a lovely visit but as you can see we were all sad...

A few special someones were missing.

Let me introduce you to the missing pieces. Heather (the second in the birth order of Locke girls) and her husband Michael live WAY OUT in Arizona which makes a trek out to the eastern side of Tennessee a bit difficult. They were missed!!!

One of the best things about family vacations is being around people who know you and for some reason still love you despite all of your quirks. We had fun being ridiculous. That's just what happens when you reunite sisters. See what I mean? Jon for once is trying to ignore the ridiculousness. Haha, I can't even remember what was happening here but whatever it was, I love it!!

Our first night in town we ate at the Dixie Stampede. I wasn't really sure what to expect but they put on a pretty spectacular show complete with trick riding, roaming longhorns and plenty of laughs.

Here are my lovely parents getting ready to enjoy the show.
The two youngest Locke sisters along with me and my hubby, Aren't we cute!
It's 1:30am and I'm wiped so here is a condensed version of the rest of our stay.

- Splash Country

- Dollywood

- old time photos

- getting serenaded by one of the Gem Tones

- spending time with our dear friends Nikki, Steve and Jude

Our four days in Tennessee flew by and now I'm here back at work running on little sleep but that doesn't matter. Why you ask? Well we have a good week coming up especially because Jon and I will be celebrating our anniversary!! And at the beginning of next week we have yet another short vacation up to Indiana. Life is good.

What do you pray for?

Weep for the Wiping of Grace- Carol Bomer
On Wednesday during our small group we spent our time discussing more in depth the topic of Sunday's sermon which I blogged about a few days ago, the topic of prayer. At the end of our discussion time we asked our friends what in their own lives they are compelled to pray for. What sort of passions and convictions has God placed on their hearts individually that brings them to their knees before the Lord? It was humbling to hear our friends speak with such conviction about the burdens that weigh heavily on their hearts. A few of the requests that were mentioned included: abortion, lost friends and family, the church and the nations. It was beautiful to see the diversity of convictions. I was reminded why we are the Body of Christ, each with our own convictions and passions. Those passions each serve to bring glory to God.

What am I convicted to pray for? My heart yearns for people to come to know Christ. It is heartbreaking to think that millions of people will close their eyes in death without ever hearing the name of Christ or ever accepting his sacrifice. Apart from my heart for the lost I am also burdened for the church both here and abroad. The thought of what my brothers and sisters in closed countries must endure for their faith is humbling and the church here really has no idea. It is easy to be comfortable and lukewarm here in America...but that is not what the church is called to. My heart is also heavy with a passion for the people of India. These are just a few topics that burden me.

So, I'm curious, what about you? What drives you to pray? What convictions burn in your heart so strongly that you must cry out to the Lord?

Warrior- Over the Grave

The Last Judgement Christ the Judge- Michelangelo
I struggled to find any artwork referring to Christ as judge or warrior. Often times he is depicted as an infant, or on a cross but there is not much emphasis on the risen Christ and on his power. There are some beautiful works of art depicting the suffering of Jesus but I find that the truth at least from my own perspective is often lost in those pictures. I can in no way put down any of those amazing works of art because I myself have been moved to praise and thanksgiving because of them. However another feeling I have sensed is a feeling of pity as I stared at pictures of the beaten and crucified Christ. We so easily forget that His horrendous death on the cross actually meant victory! I know it may sound trite but this particular song has resonated with me, reminding me of the God that we serve, one of might and of power. A warrior!!

Sojourn Community Church
01 Warrior.mp3

Only Your Blood is Enough

I've been reading through the book of Leviticus, which can be more than a little daunting as I read chapter after chapter concerning the blood atonement required for the Israelite community. My husband suggested I read Hebrews along with Leviticus because of the parallels to Jesus as high priest and his atoning sacrifice made on the cross. It has been a blessing.

A song I heard recently went along with this theme beautifully and I thought I would share it in hopes that others might find the same encouragement. The "mother" church that our current church plant came from just produced a new CD filled with songs based on the words of classic Issac Watts hymns. The end result is a new take on some solid bible based lyrics. My husband who has never been a big fan of "worship" CDs has really enjoyed the music and now I'm hooked too. So here's a song that has been rolling around in my head since I first heard it and my plug for the album Over the Grave from Sojourn Community church. If you are interested in possibly buying the CD yourself feel free to check out their website: http://sojournchurch.com/

04 Only Your Blood Is Enough.mp3

Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret

An excerpt from the book Husdon Taylor's Spiritual Secret:

Hudson addresses an assembly of ministers at the Perth Conference in Scotland.

"He began his address by transporting his audience half-way around the world, vividly recounting a true story of a journey he made in October, 1856, from Shanghai to Ning-po aboard a Chinese junk.

Among his fellows passangers had been a Chinese man who was educated in England and went by the name of Peter. As Hudson talked with him he learned that while the man knew the teachings of Christianity, he had never made a personal commitment to Christ. As Hudson and Peter began developing a friendship on this journey, Hudson had opportunities to talk to the man about his spiritual needs.

As the junk approached the city of Sung-kiang-Fu, Hudson was in his cabin, preparing to go ashore to preach and distribute tracts when he heard a splash and then a cry of alarm that a man had fallen overboard. Rushing onto the deck, Hudson didn't see his new friend Peter. Was he the missing man?

"Yes," the boatman told Hudson, showing no concern. "He went down over there."

After convincing the reluctant captain to drop his sails. Hudson jumped over the side and began swimming back to the spot where Peter had disappeared. But the tide was running out, and the low shrubless shore provided no good landmark. His search seemed hopeless. Just then Hudson spotted some nearby fishermen with a dragnet - just what he needed.

"Come," he cried out in Chinese. "Come and drag over here. A man is drowning!"

"Veh bin," the fishermen replied, "It is not convenient."

"Come quickly or it will be too late," Hudson pleaded.

"We are busy fishing."

"Never mind your fishing. Come at once and I will pay you well."

"How much will you give us?" the fishermen wanted to know.

"Five dollars. But hurry."

"Too little!" they called back. "We won't come for less than thirty."

Hudson told them, "I don't have that much with me. But I'll give you all I have."

"How much is that?" they asked.

"I don't know. About fourteen dollars."

They finally brought their net over. The first time they passed it through the water they dragged up the missing man. But all Hudson's efforts to revive Peter failed. It was too late. The fisherman's indifference had cost him his life.

At the conclusion of that story a murmur of indignation swept over the crowd listening to Hudson. How could anyone be so callous and selfish?

That was the moment Hudson drove home his point:
'Is the body then, of so much more value than the soul? We condemn those heathen fishermen. We say they were guilty of the man's death - because they easily could have saved him, and did not do it. But what of the millions whom we leave to perish, and that eternally? What of the plain command, 'Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature'?..."

...the Lord commands us, commands us each one individually - 'Go,' He says, 'God into all the world and preach the Gospel to eveyr creature.' Will you say to him, 'It is not convenient'? Will you tell him you are busy fishing - having bought a piece of land, purchased five yoke of oxen, married a wife, or for other reasons cannot obey? Will he accept such excuses? Have you forgotten that 'we must all stand before the judgement seat of Christ,' that every one may receive the things done in the body. Oh, remember, pray for, labour for the unevangelised millions of China or you will sin against your own soul!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Quite convicting! Even if we do not feel called to go to the far corners of the world we still have a responsibility in some way to aid in the spreading of the Gospel, whether through support, prayer etc. Are we compelled? For those of us who stay behind, are we seeking out opportunities in our own backyards to share the good news of Christ? Are we supporting those who are going? God, stir our hearts!

Growing Pains

I've noticed a lot of friends posting about their 4th of July festivities so I'm feeling a little left out since Jon and I spent our 4th of July asleep because we worked the night before and the night of. I just realized that I haven't had a 4th of July or a New Years Eve off since I started working at Maryhurst. Ugh.

Anyway, things are going really well with me. There have been a lot of big changes going on in the lives of people around me: pregnancies, new jobs, new houses etc. Although it has been easy to feel discontent, today especially the Lord has given my heart a feeling of joy. After finishing up the book Tortured for Christ I was convicted on how easily I lose my joy when my brothers and sisters in Christ are overflowing with joy in the midst of horrendous persecution. As that conviction settled I was questioning why my joy is so often fleeting (I believe I blogged about this a while ago). It's easy for someone to say, "You just need to focus on God. You need to have an eternal perspective." But I was struggling and still do struggle with the idea of living that out. As I tried to figure this out it hit me...why not pray for this? I'm pretty sure that God has showed me this little tidbit of truth before but I'm forgetful. Praise God for his patience with us! So as of right now I'm learning once again how to pray daily for that joy and peace that can only be found when living your life in Christ.

As I was working through those questions our pastor preached a wonderful sermon on prayer this morning and it left me feeling convicted yet incredibly encouraged. It's funny how God orchestrates the timing of what he desires to teach us.

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison - that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak."
- Colossians 4:2-4

Here are a few points and poignant questions that stuck with me:
- "Continue steadfastly in prayer" - to be consistently, persistently devoted to prayer

Could this be said of my current practice of prayer?

- Adjust your perspective (I Thess. 5:18) Prayer is not limited to the folding of hands and closing of eyes.

- Start where you are. Jesus will work with what you have.

- Is it my habit to pray for opportunities for the Gospel to go out through me?

Good stuff huh?!? Today as the sermon ended I wrote down a few things that by God's grace I desire to grow in:
- more time devoted to prayer (learned how to be in constant prayer)
- unwavering joy
- conviction and courage to share the Gospel
- growth in faith

It has been too long

Well here I am finally posting about our fabulous trip to San Francisco. This city will always hold a special place in my heart and every time I go back I wish we lived closer. It is such a fascinating city from the beauty of the bay to the eclectic shops and hole in the wall eateries. There is a never ending list of places to explore. This time on our trip to the Bay we set out to see "real" San Francisco. A few years ago on our honeymoon trip we spent a lot of time visiting the well known tourist stops such as Alcatraz and Fisherman's Wharf but this time around we planned ahead seeking out places to eat that tourists would never know about. The researching was well worth the time because despite the fact that we were only in the city for two days I can definitely say that we used the time to the fullest and walked away with a ton of great memories. Here are a few of the highlights.

One of the first places we visited on this trip was the Palace of the Legion of Honor, a stunning art museum filled with exquisite paintings by the likes of Monet and Degas. The Legion of Honor was also a featured place in the Alfred Hitchcock movie "Vertigo."

The architecture was beautiful!!

The Thinker- Auguste Rodin

On our quest to explore new places we found this little gem. Jon and I had never eaten at an Indian restaurant before so this was a stretch especially for Jon (for those of you who know him well, this may be a bit of a shock ;-) The second picture is of a little cafe we found down the street from our hotel that served up some yummy waffles.

The weather during our stay in California was beautiful allowing us to visit the Golden Gate Park for a second time. On this trip we spent part of an afternoon exploring the San Francisco Botanical Garden. Here is my hubby hamming it up for the camera.

Full House anyone?

To close out our first evening Jon and I drove across the bay to have dinner with my Grandmother. Since she lives all the way out in California our visits with her are sadly few and far between.

Grace Cathedral

My husband is great at working out details and solving problems. So I wasn't surprised when he got us an unbelievable rate on a wonderful room at a hotel by the Wharf. However when I saw the view from our window I couldn't believe it. We could see Coit Tower from our bed! It was beautiful.

Here is a close up view of Coit Tower.

On our last afternoon in the city we walked around the streets just taking in the culture of this city and the beautiful views. Here is a shot of a street just a few blocks away from our hotel. Can you see why I love this city so much?!?

Despite the fact that we had already been to Fisherman's Wharf a number of times we couldn't help but go back and take in the sights and sounds one last time. We ate at Boudin Sourdough Bakery and Cafe (you can't get any better sourdough bread!), watched the sea lions basking in the sun and heard the interesting stylings of the local street performers. A little ways up the bay is the famous Ghirardelli Square where Jon and I enjoyed delicious ice cream.

It was a wonderful trip that ended too quickly. Looking over these pictures just makes me more anxious to go back there than ever but we'll just have to wait and see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I left my heart in San Francisco

High on a hill, it calls to me.

To be where little cable cars

Climb halfway to the stars!

The morning fog may chill the air

I don't care!

My love waits there in San Francisco