As I looked at the flowers the pressure of life and work subsided and I once again realized the beauty of God's grace shown in the relationship I have with my husband. I have my days when I am grumpy, irritable and no fun to be around. But God's love and grace is often showered on me through the selfless love of my husband. I'm blessed. These past few weeks have been refreshing with Jon out of school we have had more time to devote to our marriage and more time to spend growing in our relationship with the Lord. We have really enjoyed life without the pressures of school and I'm beginning to see a little more of what things will be like when school is out of the picture.
However the roller coaster of life starts up again on Tuesday when Jon begins classes. This is officially his last full semester leaving him with one easy clean up semester in the fall. Soon Jon will get back to the busy life of classes, studying, and papers resulting in less time with me. We will once again face many struggles to keep our marriage focused on the Lord and live life selflessly for each other. It's easy for me to start feeling sorry for myself and how hard things may get but right now...I'm thankful. This time is precious and fleeting. Before we know it we will have a house full of kids and a ministry at a church filled with challenges of its own. Life is messy and will get even more chaotic but right now I find myself at a place of contentment. There are still very strong desires on my heart to start a family, work towards adoption, be involved in church ministry, and get a house but I feel a deep yearning in my spirit to take in this time and learn all I can while I wait patiently for the Lord to direct our steps.
Lately I've been blessed reading through The Life and Diary of David Brainerd, who was a missionary to the Native Americans in the 1700s I believe. His writing has been a huge source of encouragement for me. As I have read his honest journal entries I am reminded of how life ebbs and flows with seasons of drought and seasons of harvest and sweet times of fellowship with the Lord. As I have read through this man’s story I am beginning to appreciate more of the journey his life took. He struggled with depression but the grace of our Lord sustained him just like it does for all of us who put our trust in the God of our salvation. This recent section I read left me feeling blessed and encouraged. I was reminded that we can cling to God in the midst of this roller coaster of life, during the dry spells and during the triumphs because we know that we serve the God of Moses, the God who brought down the fire on Mount Carmel during Elijah’s day and the same God who powerfully moved in the 1st century church. This is our God! May this be an encouragement to you as it was to me.
“Thursday, Oct. 20. Had but little sense of divine things this day. Alas, that so much of my precious time is spent with so little of God! Those are tedious days, wherein I have no spirituality.
“Thursday, Nov. 3. Spent this day in secret fasting and prayer, from morning till night. Early in the morning I had some small degree of assistance in prayer. Afterwards read the story of Elijah the prophet, 1 Kings, xvii. xviii. and xix. chapters, and also 2 Kings, ii. and iv. chapters. My soul was much moved, observing the faith, zeal, and power of that holy man; how he wrestled with God in prayer, &c. My soul then cried with Elisha, ‘Where is the Lord God of Elijah!' Oh, I longed for more faith! My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a ‘double portion of that spirit,' which was given to Elijah, might ‘rest on me.' And that which was divinely refreshing and strengthening to my soul was, I saw that God is the same that he was in the days of Elijah.--Was enabled to wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, fervent, humble, intense, and importunate manner, than I have for many months past. Nothing seemed too hard for God to perform; nothing too great for me to hope for from him.--I had for many months entirely lost all hopes of being made instrumental of doing any special service for God in the world; it has appeared entirely impossible, that one so black and vile should be thus employed for God. But at this time God was pleased to revive this hope.--Afterwards read the 3rd chapter of Exodus and on to the 20th, and saw more of the glory and majesty of God discovered in those chapters, than ever I had seen before; frequently in the mean time falling on my knees, and crying to God for the faith of Moses, and for a manifestation of the divine glory. Especially the 3rd and 4th, and part of the 14th and 15th chapters, were unspeakably sweet to my soul: my soul blessed God, that he had shown himself so gracious to his servants of old. The 15th chapter seemed to be the very language which my soul uttered to God in the season of my first spiritual comfort, when I had just got through the