Desiring to Draw the Gaze of God

I've been thinking about this quote from C.J. Mahaney: "Humility draws the gaze of our Sovereign God." On the other end: Pride seeks to draw the gaze of others...

"This is the one to whom I will look:

he who is humble and contrite in spirit

and trembles at my word."

Isaiah 66:2

There have been many times over this past week when I have found myself fighting hard against the stronghold of pride. God has been gracious to begin the process of rooting out grumbling and complaining in my life. He has been quick to reveal the wayward attitudes of my heart but this week (specifically over the past couple of days) pride reared its ugly head in a new way, self pity. Woe is me!! Oh good grief.

Now that I am out of that mindset (at least for the time being) I can easily see how utterly ridiculous this type of thinking is. It's frustrating to me that I have to learn lessons such as these over and over again. I know full well that my life is easy but self-pity, much like complaining, is a deep pit that can suck you in. Once you start thinking that way it is difficult to stop. Self-pity is all about, well...self. That sort of mindset quickly impedes any useful thing we may desire to do for God if for no other reason then because it is rooted in pride.

This short passage from The Life and Diary of David Brainerd spoke volumes to me these past few days. It addressed the sin in my heart and turned my thoughts more toward Christ and his glory because in the end it is all about God's glory.

"was much dejected, and greatly perplexed in mind; knew not how to see any body again, my soul was so sunk within me. Oh that these trials might make me more humble and holy. Oh that God would keep me from giving way to sinful dejection, which may hinder my usefulness."

On a random note anyone looking to get outside of themselves and allow their hearts to be burdened for the cause of Christ should look here. There is much to pray for and much that needs to be done. Lord don't let our pride get in the way.

John Comforted in Prison (Ed Knippers)

Memory Verse III:

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very natur of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

Philippians 2:1-11

The 100 Pound Puppy

I would like to reintroduce you all to our puppy Paisley because I'm realized that I haven't posted any pictures of her since the snow storm. Here she is.

Don't let her size fool you she is still very much a puppy. Paisley is a little over 8 months old and is around 100 pounds. She still has some growing to do. We have been super blessed that she has not been a chewer so thankfully we haven't had any of our stuff ruined. However we got a nice surprise after coming home from work the other day...

This is what is left of the comforter that was used as bedding for our 100 pound pooch. She had torn a larger than basketball size hole in it and promptly removed the stuffing. Geez! Of course when we walked in and found the mess Paisley looked at us with her big brown puppy dog eyes as if to say, "What?!?"

Anyway, when she is not laying around sleeping, tearing giant holes in her bedding, or keeping watch out the window she has found a new hobby.

We are currently deciding what our plan needs to be. Can we let her do this? We know that if this continues this will eventually lead to her laying across our entire sofa so . Hmm, but she is so incredibly cute!! I can't stand it. So yeah, this is life with our Great Dane. Here are a few adorable pictures to close with.

Better Than I Deserve

I am doing far better than I deserve. God is good and continues to lavish his grace upon me so what do I have to complain about? Nothing! Since I last wrote it has been a good week full of the usual struggles and temptations of life but the tone of everything has been different. The Lord has been changing me and it's beautiful. I feel like my outlook is beginning to be altered and it's shown in small areas of my life (for example: the way I respond to stress at work, the thoughts I allow myself to dwell on, and the fact that I am just more aware of my need for Christ). It has all been so rich and difficult but I love it. I honestly don't have anything specific to post about today because my brain is having a hard time focusing at 4:50am so here is the next memory verse I'm working on. Good stuff!

Memory Verse II:

"This is what the Lord says, 'Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. There is the house you will build for me? Where will my resting place be? Has not my hand made all these things, and so they can into being?' Declares the Lord. 'This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word."

Isaiah 66:1-2

Fasting From Pride...is that possible?

I have never felt a huge conviction to observe the season of Lent through some sort of fast. I think the one time I did fast was during my junior or senior year of college when I gave up carbonated drinks specifically Dr. Pepper (one of my guilty pleasures). Simple I know, but it was harder than I thought. I honestly don't think it meant all that much to me either because it was sort of the "cool" thing to do.

In the days leading up to the beginning of Lent this year I once again heard others talking about fasting from something which sounded like a good idea. Despite feeling somewhat convicted I still had no direct leading on what to do. Lent began last Wednesday and by the time Sunday came around I still hadn't felt any particular leading. During my shift at work that night I felt a prompting from the Lord to go in a slightly different direction. Since the season of Lent is a time of reflection and repentance I felt it better to allow the Lord to begin to refine, teach and convict me in one particular area, pride. For those of you who have spent any time with me over the past couple of weeks you know how impacted I was through a particular C.J. Mahaney sermon about Humility (Isaiah 66:1-2). That sermon coupled with some difficult situations I have experienced recently opened my eyes to the fact that pride is still very much a part of my life.

I would encourage you to listen to the sermon by C.J. Mahaney I posted a few days ago. It is packed full of good convicting truth. Here are a few things he mentioned that hit hard. I would type out the whole sermon if I could.

- Pride seems to be the essence of all sin.
- An ungrateful person is a proud person.
- Where there is worry or anxiety there is pride at the root.

In his sermon CJ gives some practical application (on a daily level and on a long term level as well) on how to "weaken our greatest enemy (pride) and cultivate our greatest friend (humility)." Those application ideas were what stirred something in my heart. I believe that God wants to mortify the sin of pride in my life beginning in this season of Lent and continuing on from there. I hope to use some of those applications as a good starting place.

One of the areas where the sin of pride is most evident in my own life is in the area of grumbling and complaining. So I've taken time to talk with Jon and a co-worker (Sarah) asking them to hold me accountable in this area. So here I am sharing this with the blogging world as well...if you see me on a daily or weekly basis...keep me accountable. I've also taken this time to work on memorizing scripture pertaining to pride, humility and the attributes of God because in all reality next to the Cross of Christ we are all nothing!

So yeah, that's me right now. God is growing and challenging me in new and exciting ways. It has already been incredibly difficult and it hasn't even been one week. It's amazing how I can go through an entire day and not even acknowledge my dependence upon God.

May God in his ultimate grace and mercy use this time to make me more like his son.

Memory Verse #1

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

I Peter 5:5b-7

Slumdog Millionaire

This is a wonderfully done movie and for those who haven't had a chance to go see it...you should!! Here is a little taste of Slumdog Millionaire.

The One To Whom I Will Look

Humility (True Greatness)

CJ Mahney.mp3

Lessons to Be Learned

This has been a week full of hard lessons and part of me is tired of being a perpetual student. Well at least these lessons mean that God is taking the time to challenge and grow me deeper in my relationship with Him. Allow me to share a few of the lessons I've been learning this week.

Lesson #1- The church is not perfect and neither am I. I need to be willing to let the grace of Christ into every area of my life, especially in the area of relationships. Humility must become my lifelong companion.

This week has been heavy and filled with a lot of drama and stress. I think I even told Jon that I wanted us to move to Fiji and live as hermits for the rest of our lives. Seeing that Jon loves Fiji, he almost agreed. I mean how cool would it be to be a pseudo Fijian?!? Anyway with the week coming to a close I can say that my heart just hurts. Speaking vaguely...people are hard to deal with, myself included. When sin bumps up against sin (especially within the Body of Christ) it is not pretty except if we allow the grace of God to intervene. I guess the one question I feel I should ask myself in dealing with any future circumstances is this: "Was the Lord glorified?" Unfortunately in this particular case my heart was not always glorifying to God so I'm left asking Him to use the experience to humble and teach me and to do so in the lives of those involved. Cryptic comments over... ;-)

Lesson #2- Our God is not small and the dreams and callings He places on our lives are not small either. When he calls, we are compelled to obey. I don't want to settle for anything less. He is the God of the impossible!

When I was not consumed with the drama of the past week the other thoughts taking up space in my head were centered around adoption. Adoption without a doubt is a calling in the life of me and my husband. My heart beats for this child whom I have never met and who probably isn't even born yet. However there were times I was afraid to just come out and say that we will adopt Now, there is no denying that at some point down the road God will open the doors for us to begin that exciting process. The details of said adoption are not anywhere close to being set in stone. Jon and I are burdened for a specific country (those of you who know me well don't have to guess about this one) but due to regulations set by that government adoption looks like it may be a few years down the road. However, that hasn't stopped us from talking and dreaming about what our family may end up looking like. We have discussed how we could incorporate that specific culture into our family and wonder how friends and family would react. One of the things I enjoy talking with Jon about the most is imagining how God will orchestrate this entire process. What miracles will He work? I can't wait and see!

Lesson #3- The best medicine for impatient people is the journey of waiting on the Lord.

Even now with adoption most likely years down the road I'm seeing that it will not be an easy process. My heart already yearns to bring this precious child home. I think about the mounds of paperwork, red tape and the guaranteed obstacles we will encounter on this journey and all I can do is pray. God has already performed a miracle in my own heart, giving me an intense love for a child I have never seen, or felt. I think the next miracle will once again be within me...an increase in my faith and patience. Can I trust God to complete this in his own perfect time? Do I trust that He is good and will provide for all our needs?

"I believe; help my unbelief!"