Sunday, April 11, 2010

Confused...

I've wanted to post something for quite some time but even now I struggle to put into words what has been going on in my heart. I'm restless...again. When I try and explain the way I feel most of the people I talk to look at me like I'm crazy, and maybe I am. Allow me to be vulnerable for a minute even though I know this probably sounds absurd.

Jon and I are waiting for the Lord's leading concerning a pastorate. We have had a few promising options but so far nothing has really panned out and so we continue to wait. During this waiting process I just feel an overwhelming sense of restlessness, like there is something I am supposed to be doing; just what that something is I am not entirely sure.

Part of this restlessness may be from watching some good friends of mine move closer and closer to dreams and callings they have pursued for a long time. Maybe this restlessness is due to the fact that my dream is part of theirs and my heart just aches because I can't experience what they get to see first hand. Perhaps the restlessness comes from the fear of the future knowing that sometime soon I will be packing up yet again and moving. Maybe it's that I want to be a part of something bigger than myself and I don't feel like I've been able to do that for a while. My heart isn't invested in anything worthwhile right now and it feels empty. I'm honestly a little lonely and confused concerning all of this. My wonderful husband has been such a huge support as I ask all kinds of questions and try to sort through a multitude of feelings. Unfortunately he can't answer these questions for me. So here I am waiting and praying to the Lord, "I'm listening. What do you want of me?"

2 comments:

Heather said...

I'm praying for you sis. I know this must be so difficult. I am here if you need someone to talk to, or to listen to you. I love you!

OurCrazyFarm said...

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

It is God who has prepared the good works for you to do and He will show these to you in His time. Rest in His promise. I have found such peace in waiting for God to show me those works that he created for me, rather than striving after my own venue of what I think I should be doing. You won't miss His calling when it is time... He promised! There is no greater joy than serving the Lord where He has called you:))