I've wanted to post something for quite some time but even now I struggle to put into words what has been going on in my heart. I'm restless...again. When I try and explain the way I feel most of the people I talk to look at me like I'm crazy, and maybe I am. Allow me to be vulnerable for a minute even though I know this probably sounds absurd.
Jon and I are waiting for the Lord's leading concerning a pastorate. We have had a few promising options but so far nothing has really panned out and so we continue to wait. During this waiting process I just feel an overwhelming sense of restlessness, like there is something I am supposed to be doing; just what that something is I am not entirely sure.
Part of this restlessness may be from watching some good friends of mine move closer and closer to dreams and callings they have pursued for a long time. Maybe this restlessness is due to the fact that my dream is part of theirs and my heart just aches because I can't experience what they get to see first hand. Perhaps the restlessness comes from the fear of the future knowing that sometime soon I will be packing up yet again and moving. Maybe it's that I want to be a part of something bigger than myself and I don't feel like I've been able to do that for a while. My heart isn't invested in anything worthwhile right now and it feels empty. I'm honestly a little lonely and confused concerning all of this. My wonderful husband has been such a huge support as I ask all kinds of questions and try to sort through a multitude of feelings. Unfortunately he can't answer these questions for me. So here I am waiting and praying to the Lord, "I'm listening. What do you want of me?"