Sunday, September 7, 2008

Too long

Wow, it has been way too long since I posted on here. I feel like the past couple of weeks have been a blur. Since my last post, Jon started his fall semester of classes and we brought home our cute puppy Paisley, who now weighs in at 31 pounds!! Jon's classes are going well but I've struggled to adapt to his hectic schedule which leaves us with little time together on our days off. Thankfully I have a puppy to look after which takes up quite a bit of my free time (I'll post pictures soon).

Paisley has been doing well. She is such a cute dog and I adore her...even when she is attempting to eat our couch. Thankfully due to the watchful eye of both me and my husband, Paisley has yet to chew anything up. *knock on wood* This coming Saturday we will be taking her to a puppy class at the Humane Society so that she can get some good socialization with other dogs. This will also help give us the tools we need to properly train her.

On a more serious note, I have felt burdened. Lately my heart has been restless, so much so that it interrupts my sleep during the day and clouds my mind when I'm working. I'm not really sure where this all came from. Part of this could be due to the fact that I'm tired of my job and I find no fulfillment in it. My heart feels kind of empty and I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel stupid even writing this down. It's odd because a few months ago I was going through these same feelings and I never really worked through them. So now, here they are again. What is God's call on my life?

I know part of my calling is as a helpmate to my husband, especially as he goes into ministry. However, I also know that the Lord has a calling on my life to use the gifts he has given me to glorify him and share the gospel...but what is that calling? Do I need to go back to school? Should I look for another job? The big problem here is that I'm not even sure what I'm called to do so I don't know where to turn.

Here are some of the things that are heavy on my heart:

- God has recently awakened my heart toward adoption and the plight of abandoned children. (I'm tired of dealing with spoiled teenagers who feel entitled to everything...ugh. I think I'm a little burnt out on work.)

- I've always had a heart for missions. I would love to visit India!!

- Evangelism has always been something I feel compelled to do.

- The lukewarm living in churches today makes me angry (I've found myself in that situation too often and I'm sick of it.) I want to see churches filled with praying people whose hearts are hungry for the word, worship, prayer, and evangelism. Maybe that is why I would love to go overseas...things would be very different in China or India...

I've thought about returning to school. If I went back I could study social work or anthropology (mainly because that fascinates me) but why would I get degrees in these areas? Geez, I don't know. I would love to work for a missions organization and help plan trips and maybe even travel some. It would also be amazing if God called us overseas. So many thoughts and questions. Maybe I'm just supposed to learn to be content where I'm at, but I sense that there is more to it than just that.

So yeah, there are my thoughts in a jumbled mess because I haven't yet sorted through it all. Jon reminded me yesterday that I need to be seeking the Lord about this and I know he is right. Jon can't tell me the answer and I can't find it in a book. I need to seek the Lord's wisdom and guidance. I just want to do something dramatic and live a life abandoned to God. I want to comfort the orphans, feed the hungry, and share the word of God to those who are life in Christ should be more marked by my actions. So here I am waiting on the Lord...I could use some prayer.


Nik said...

I'm praying for you dear friend.

Alexis said...

I'm praying for you! I'm glad that you listened to that sermon. It's one of my favorites of all time. We should get together next week! Miss ya!