Wednesday, January 26, 2011


I have had this post saved for a couple of days unsure if I actually wanted to publish it or not. After I read my husband's most recent blog I decided to post mine as well. Funny enough Jon and I both wrote a lot of the same stuff. Prepare for plenty of honesty and quite a bit of brokenness because that's about all I have to offer...


I haven't posted on here for forever. I just don't have the energy or drive anymore. Maybe I'll pick this up again but right now, I'm just not sure. It feels like I have been beat down by life, dramatic I know. I'm at a breaking point and just so overwhelmed at what feels like a hopeless situation, although I know it is far from that.

Our current situation that I have blogged so often about has not changed, not one bit. Still no ministry job for Jon, still crammed into this one bedroom apartment and my heart continues to ache every time I leave my little boy to go to work. Laundry continues to pile up, dishes go unwashed, my husband and I kiss in passing as we are torn apart by opposing schedules. We are only able to spend one night out of the whole week in the same bed. ONE NIGHT. There is just something wrong about that. Soon our little boy will be crawling around and I'm just not sure what to do about that because there is no way to baby proof our existing apartment...we have stuff crammed into every little nook and cranny trying to make the most of our dwindling space. I'm tired of praying and asking the Lord to provide, I'm tired of remaining optimistic, I'm just plain tired.

That's where I am at. The awful, uncensored sinful truth. I know our situation is not dire, and I also know that there are millions of other people in worse shape than we are...I know this. I know what the Bible says about the God I serve and I know what it says about my own heart and limited understanding. So...I need God to change my heart, to remind me that his ways are beyond my understanding but that he is good and faithful even when it doesn't seem that way. I desperately need His strength and grace because I'm failing miserably at living out the gospel for those around me. But God...can't you just please give us something? A little glimmer of hope is all I need...just a glimmer.


"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...."

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