Jon and I will be leaving soon to head on up to Indianapolis. It will be a nice week to relax and spend time with Jon's family. I've been looking forward to this trip ever since returning from our last vacation. If only we could live life vacationing, how awesome would that be?!? Anyways...
I continue to be challenged lately in my walk with the Lord. Through reading scripture and listening to some sermons I've felt convicted to spend more time in the Word and in prayer but there are other things driving me as well. As I think ahead to joining with my husband in ministry and starting a family the burden weighs even heavier. How can I possibly take on such responsibility if I'm not grounded firmly in Christ? I can't do anything without him! The eternal weight of such things should indeed drive me to Christ. As I think of coming alongside my husband as he, under the authority of Christ, leads a church I can't help but think of all those who will be following Jon's leadership. Being in such a position we willingly take on the responsibility to live a life that points to God. People will be watching and one day we will have to account for our actions. As I think of being a godly mother my heart skips a beat but it also realizes that such a life consists of loving correction, discipline and encouragement, all wrapped up in the desire to bring and grow our children up in the Lord. I can't even begin to imagine what that will entail. As I think on all of these things I know I must rely on the Lord.
In another slightly related topic I have felt even more conviction stemming from the fact that I find myself so easily enjoying way too much time in front of the television set when the hunger and desire of my heart should be for the Lord. I read recently in the Hudson Taylor book that he would spend up to 13 hours a day revising a copy of the New Testament in Chinese. 13 hours!!! Have I ever spent this kind of time devoted to the work of God? This conviction has just been settling in and I'm not sure what it means as far as lifestyle changes but I'm sure something will have to give.
The older I get and the more I grow in Christ the stronger I feel the tension between living in the world but not of the world. I wonder what that kind of life should look like as a believer here in North America. What does it mean to forsake the world for the cause of Christ? I'm guessing it will mean more time in scripture and in prayer with less distractions such as television and movies. It will mean less time wrapped up in myself and more time investing in the lives of others with the desire to see them realize the depths of their sin and the amazing sacrifice of the perfect Lamb of God. The list could go on.
I couldn't be more excited about the next phase of life but right now I'm reeling with the weight of the future. Things will not suddenly change when Jon finishes seminary. We won't magically become more prayerful and faith-filled, that should be our reality right now.
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Hey Kay - your heart is in a beautiful place. I feel that the key to being fully committed to Christ's ministry at all times is to incorporate prayer and worship into all activities, whether we are in church or in front of the TV. The hard part is refraining from feeling like we must fully separate ourselves from certain actions or places in any sort of rule-making way. I'm not sure this is making any sense... but I feel your pain and want the best for you!!
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