It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...almost...

Is it bad that I'm already looking forward to Christmas? Yeah, yeah I know I'm ridiculous but there is just something about that time of year that makes it one of my favorite holidays ever! My poor husband thinks I'm a nut and he laughs at me when I admit to him that I'm looking forward to listening and singing to Christmas music, stringing popcorn and cranberries or baking Christmas cookies....I look forward to starting those types of family traditions with our kids (which hopefully won't be too far down the road). Part of the excitement has to do with the great memories I have about Christmas time from my childhood, which I will have to share at a later date...like when it is actually winter.

So okay I admit that I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of fall, the leaves changing, Thanksgiving time and eventually Christmas. So for now I guess my Christmas cds will have to stay tucked away for another couple of months but it wouldn't hurt to get started on Christmas lists for my family. (Now is the time to put in your wish lists members of the Locke and Groves clan.)

104 days till Christmas (I promise I won't count down every day...I'm not that crazy!! ;-)

Too long

Wow, it has been way too long since I posted on here. I feel like the past couple of weeks have been a blur. Since my last post, Jon started his fall semester of classes and we brought home our cute puppy Paisley, who now weighs in at 31 pounds!! Jon's classes are going well but I've struggled to adapt to his hectic schedule which leaves us with little time together on our days off. Thankfully I have a puppy to look after which takes up quite a bit of my free time (I'll post pictures soon).

Paisley has been doing well. She is such a cute dog and I adore her...even when she is attempting to eat our couch. Thankfully due to the watchful eye of both me and my husband, Paisley has yet to chew anything up. *knock on wood* This coming Saturday we will be taking her to a puppy class at the Humane Society so that she can get some good socialization with other dogs. This will also help give us the tools we need to properly train her.

On a more serious note, I have felt burdened. Lately my heart has been restless, so much so that it interrupts my sleep during the day and clouds my mind when I'm working. I'm not really sure where this all came from. Part of this could be due to the fact that I'm tired of my job and I find no fulfillment in it. My heart feels kind of empty and I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel stupid even writing this down. It's odd because a few months ago I was going through these same feelings and I never really worked through them. So now, here they are again. What is God's call on my life?


I know part of my calling is as a helpmate to my husband, especially as he goes into ministry. However, I also know that the Lord has a calling on my life to use the gifts he has given me to glorify him and share the gospel...but what is that calling? Do I need to go back to school? Should I look for another job? The big problem here is that I'm not even sure what I'm called to do so I don't know where to turn.


Here are some of the things that are heavy on my heart:

- God has recently awakened my heart toward adoption and the plight of abandoned children. (I'm tired of dealing with spoiled teenagers who feel entitled to everything...ugh. I think I'm a little burnt out on work.)
http://www.truevisiontv.com/china/index.htm

http://www.channel4.com/fourdocs/archive/the_dying_room.html

- I've always had a heart for missions. I would love to visit India!!

- Evangelism has always been something I feel compelled to do.

- The lukewarm living in churches today makes me angry (I've found myself in that situation too often and I'm sick of it.) I want to see churches filled with praying people whose hearts are hungry for the word, worship, prayer, and evangelism. Maybe that is why I would love to go overseas...things would be very different in China or India...

I've thought about returning to school. If I went back I could study social work or anthropology (mainly because that fascinates me) but why would I get degrees in these areas? Geez, I don't know. I would love to work for a missions organization and help plan trips and maybe even travel some. It would also be amazing if God called us overseas. So many thoughts and questions. Maybe I'm just supposed to learn to be content where I'm at, but I sense that there is more to it than just that.

So yeah, there are my thoughts in a jumbled mess because I haven't yet sorted through it all. Jon reminded me yesterday that I need to be seeking the Lord about this and I know he is right. Jon can't tell me the answer and I can't find it in a book. I need to seek the Lord's wisdom and guidance. I just want to do something dramatic and live a life abandoned to God. I want to comfort the orphans, feed the hungry, and share the word of God to those who are lost...my life in Christ should be more marked by my actions. So here I am waiting on the Lord...I could use some prayer.

Isaiah 6

Transfiguration- Cornelis Monsma

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.

Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory."

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty." Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" (Isaiah 6:1-8)

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This passage was presented to me twice the other day, once when I was spending quiet time with the Lord and a second time that same day during church. I have always loved this passage and each time I read it I cannot help but ask myself if this is how I view God and if that is so than how does it affect the way I live.

I've been reading through Whatever Happened to Worship by A.W. Tozer and it is nothing less than beautiful and incredibly powerful. The last chapter I finished is called "Awed by the Presence of God." The basic premise of this chapter is a fresh look at some of the characteristics of God, mainly his Holiness. Tozer speaks about the fact that God is other than us, and there should be a sort of strangeness when we encounter the God of all creation. This transcendent God that we follow leaves his imprint on our lives and as we follow him there will be a mystery surrounding his followers as well. We should be "walking mysteries." "Through the leading and the power of the Holy Spirit, the Christian is involved in a daily life and habit that cannot be explained." When we come face to face with the truth of the Living God we come before a Holy God unblemished in every way.

"There should be a birth from above and within. There should be the terror of seeing ourselves in violent contrast to the holy, holy, holy God. Unless we come into this place of conviction and pain, I am not sure how deep and real our repentance will ever be...With each of us, if we are to have that assurance of forgiveness and restored moral innocence, the fire of God's grace must touch us. It is only through the depths of the forgiving love of God that men and women can be restored and made ready to serve Him." (Page 76 & 77)

"I tell you again that God has saved us to be worshipers. May God show us a vision of ourselves that will disvalue us to the point of total devaluation. From there He can raise us up to worship Him and praise Him and to witness." (page 78)

Yours

The Chapman family has been on my heart ever since the tragic accident that took the life of their youngest daughter Maria. I've followed their story since May and I have been in awe of the strength that the Lord has given them during this unbearable heartache. I have watched some interviews with this family lately and I can't help but walk away praising God for his faithfulness. I can only imagine the thousands of people who have been impacted by their story. They have shared with striking honesty the struggle of this journey but through it all God's name continues to be glorified. There is no way to fully understand the God we serve but there is hope in knowing that we belong to God, in the midst of joy and in the darkest valley of death we are His.

Here is a new verse that Steven wrote for his song "Yours." It's powerful. You can hear the latest version of it on napster. (http://play.napster.com/track/24693158)

I've been following their story through Steven's manager's blog and I want to encourage you to check it every once and and while to be reminded to keep this family in your prayers. I'm sure there are still many hard days to come.
(http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/jim/)

Here she is...

I would like to formally introduce all of you to the new addition to our family!! Her name is Paisley. Oh good gracious. She is just the cutest little thing ever. Too bad she won't stay this small forever. We will be bringing this beauty home on Sunday August the 17th so stay tuned I'm sure we will have some interesting pictures and some amazing stories once we see what life will really be like with a Great Dane!

U-hauls, pizzas, and bits of grace

It has been a crazy couple of days. At the beginning of the week Jon and I enjoyed a wonderful celebration of our two year anniversary (which I plan on writing more about when I can post some pictures). Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were super relaxing and served as a perfect opportunity to enjoy spending time together. I can say looking back that over those days my soul felt revived...however I am now running on only a couple hours of sleep and I feel like death warmed over. Ah well, I guess that is just one of the perils of moving. Yes today was our moving day and it was made so much easier by the generous sacrifices of some dear friends from church. We greatly appreciate all of you who were able to make it out on a sunny summer day to move all of our crap! We could not have done it without you!!

As of right now our new apartment is hidden beneath boxes (mostly comprised of books from Jon's vast library) but I'm beginning to see glimmers of what will be. Our bedroom seems a lot bigger than our old one. I noticed the difference even more when I discovered that my wonderful husband had made the bed and cleared the room of clutter while I had gone out to run an errand. He knows that in he midst of chaos I need one place to go where I feel some semblance of order, plus I don't sleep well when the bedroom is a hot mess. Thanks honey!

We were finally able to crawl into bed around 4:30pm or so and I think we both struggled to sleep for any prolonged amount of time (we only have blinds hanging over our windows right now which make blocking out any sunlight virtually impossible). In the midst of my constant tossing and turning I do remember waking up around 7:30pm to the sound of children laughing and yelling in what seemed like a strange language...I thought that maybe those noises sounded so foreign because my body was completely exhausted. After laying there a few more minutes trying to discern what was taking place outside our bedroom I turned over in bed and saw my husband looking at me with glazed eyes. We stared at each other for a few seconds and then Jon exerted a long sigh. Poor thing. After a few more minutes of the children jabbering away Jon, in his witty humor (which is even funnier when you are running on a hour or so of sleep) quoted a line from one of our favorite shows, "Habanadah!"

Here is a little explanation:

Ray Barone: That's the restaurant where the crazy old Chinese lady yells at you while you're leaving, right?
Debra Barone: You know what she's yelling, right?
Ray Barone: Yeah, "habanadah!"
Debra Barone: She's saying, "Have a nice day."
Ray Barone: Oh. [pause]
Ray Barone: Well, maybe she isn't crazy.

So there I lay in bed completely exhausted, with the jibber-jabbering of little Chinese children ringing in my ears. The humor of the situation was too much and before I knew it I was laughing out loud. Looking back, I think the Lord gave us both a little extra grace today because with the stress of moving and our lack of sleep...He knew we needed it.

Well, I'm at work and it's 3:20am...I'm still awake, which is a good thing. We'll see what happens when 8:00am rolls around but for now the memories of the afternoon are small encouragements that bring a smile to my face. So to sum up our day here are some blessings that God gave us in the midst of a stressful and sleep deprived move:

1. We had friends give up their Saturday morning to help us out and then enjoyed some fellowship time over Domino's pizza before parting ways. (On a side note nothing was broken during the move thanks to Stephanie and Jennifer's superior packing abilities. Thanks ladies!)

2. Jon and I jumped in the pool before heading to bed (we saw some colorful people at the pool and God reminded me of the multiple evangelistic opportunities we will have at our new place and I can't wait.)

3. Despite my husband's exhaustion he went out of his way to clean up our bedroom and make a little retreat for us away from all of the clutter.

4. We woke up to some Chinese children chattering away and had a good laugh.

God's grace has been more than sufficient for us!!

Two Years

July 22, 2006

Happy two year anniversary babe!!