Fishbowl

Orphan Sunday

2011-11-06T09:23:00.002-05:00

Today is Orphan Sunday. God has so graciously adopted us as sons and daughters and I can hardly think of a more beautiful way to celebrate his love by living that out in the challenging call to adopt or to support someone who is trying to bring an orphan into their home. I have known for years that God is calling me and my husband to adopt and he still has not opened up the door quite yet but my heart longs for that day. So open up your home, or pray for those who desire to adopt, help fund someone who is adopting and please pray for the thousands of children worldwide who have yet to find a loving family. Through God's grace may we reach out in sacrificial love to those who are fatherless. God may we be your hands and feet no matter the cost.

What is the Gospel worth?

2011-10-19T11:31:00.004-04:00

My heart has been so heavy lately. My spirit is weary. The past two weeks God has been turning my world upside down as he has challenged every aspect of my life. Where is my heart? How do I spend my time? Is my life truly being lived out in a way that brings glory to the Lord and points others toward the Savior? Does my faith cost me anything? Because it should!! Every day all over the world Christians are secretly meeting to fervently study God's word. They sit for hours on dirt floors without cushioned seats, without fancy lights and professional worship bands. They don't even have comfy air conditioning. They just long for the word! Why do they meet in secret? They meet behind closed doors because their faith could get them thrown in jail. Their faith could cost them their lives. I live too comfortable a faith. Sometimes I wonder if it could be called "faith" at all.

November 17th marks the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. Allow the Lord to stir you out of your comfort zone to have a genuine heart for the nations. Pray for unreached people, pray for hearts to be softened, pray for missionaries, maybe even ask God if you have been called to go...are you willing to ask? Are you willing to listen?

Take a few minutes out of your day and encourage a brother or sister in chains for the Gospel. It's not much of a sacrifice...only about 96 cents....are you willing to sacrifice 96 cents? My heart is burdened. Will you join with me in asking God to show you how to live a life of sacrifice for Him? What is the Gospel worth to you? What is the Gospel worth to me?

http://www.prisoneralert.com/

Youcef Nadarkhani

Location: Iran (Islamic Republic of)
Arrested: October 2009
Days Imprisoned: 737

Youcef Nadarkhani, a 34-year-old pastor from Rasht, about 750 miles northwest of Tehran, was arrested in October 2009 after he protested a government policy that required children, including his 8- and 9-year-old sons, to study the Quran in school. Youcef told school officials that the Iranian constitution allows for freedom of religious practice. As a result of his protest, secret police called him before a political tribunal and arrested him for protesting. The charges were later amended to apostasy and evangelism of Muslims. Youcef was tried on Sept. 21–22, 2010 by the 1st Court of the Revolutionary Tribunal and sentenced to death on Nov. 13 for apostasy.

The pastor is imprisoned in Lakan prison, where authorities have used various methods, including medication, to convert him back to Islam.

After Youcef refused to convert to Islam, his wife was arrested, put on trial without an attorney and sentenced to life in prison. She was later released after an attorney appealed her sentence. The Nadarkhanis’ children were cared for by a relative while they were both in prison.

Verdict Referred to Supreme Leader
VOM contacts report that Pastor Nadarkhani's verdict has been delayed again by the court in Gilan province. The reason for the delay, according to his attorney, is that they have referred the case to the Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. It is highly unusual for the court to ask for the legal opinion of the Supreme Leader.

Please continue to pray that Youcef will be pardoned. Pray also for his wife, family and those supporting him.

Casting A Vision

2011-10-08T21:25:00.006-04:00

Looking back over my life so far I am humbled to see how God has grown my faith, and this is no testament to my own piety. It is a resounding cry of the Lord's goodness in a sinner's life. His mercy is ravishing. In high school I was filled with passion, and abandon, qualities I wish I had more of now. However that passion had little knowledge behind it (at least it seems that way now that I am 10+ years older). Since graduating high school there are two huge truths that I have only since realized. Now these may seem a bit ridiculous to some of you but a few years ago these truths were life changing for me.

#1- The Bible is ONE big story pointing to a merciful God redeeming, and calling a people to himself. From Genesis to Revelation we see the Gospel!!

#2- The purpose of our marriages, our families, our jobs, our down time, our parenting, our gifts, our entire lives is to bring glory to God. Everything we do should scream out the greatness of the God we serve. Everything!!

Those two truths have marinated in my heart for a few years but now it has come full circle. Jon and I are actively teaching truth to a sweet group of believers. It has been amazing to see the light bulb come on as they understand some aspects of truth for the first time. It is an honor although absolutely terrifying to realize that we have the privilege to help lead these people into a deeper understanding of God. All of this makes me realize that I need to be seeking the Lord daily because there is no way that either of us can do this on our own.

One Year Ago Today

2011-09-07T11:48:00.004-04:00

I can't help but take after my mom today. When I was growing up every year on my birthday she never failed to say the phrase, "____ years ago today..."

Well one year ago today I was in labor and my little boy was preparing to enter the world. It's just so hard to believe. I can remember the early morning hours of Aiden's birth like it was yesterday but it wasn't. A whole year has already passed. Seriously?!? Tomorrow we get to celebrate Aiden's first birthday. I can already feel the tears welling up.

I just had to read through Aiden's birth story again...I want to remember every moment I can because it was just truly amazing. This little boy is so precious to us. We can't thank God and praise Him enough for this gift. Love you little boy!!

Loving The Church

2011-08-31T11:13:00.008-04:00

I have not posted in quite some time. I even made my blog private for a while because I was so discouraged and frustrated with ministry. This is hard...loving people is hard. The pastor from our last church in Louisville, KY used to say that the church is full of sinners saved by grace so it's inevitable that as sinners we will eventually sin against each other. Our sin will come out. Words will be said, feelings will be hurt (hopefully not intentionally) and that breaks my heart but it's true. The church is a broken body that will not be completely healed and made whole until Christ returns. Meanwhile we must ask the Lord to grow us, teach us and make us more like His Son. We must learn to love each other, serve one another and work in unity to bring God glory and tell others about the hope we have in Him. May the grace we've been given allow us to extend grace to the bride of Christ, his Church. People are watching. What will they see?

The Church

I have come with one purpose
to capture for myself a bride
by my life she is lovely
by my death she’s justified

I have always been her husband
though many lovers she has known
so with water i will wash her
and by my word alone

So when you hear the sound of the water
you will know you’re not alone

Chorus:
‘Cause i haven’t come for only you
but for my people to pursue
you cannot care for me with no regard for her
if you love me you will love the church

I have long pursued her
as a harlot and a whore
but she will feast upon me
she will drink and thirst no more

So when you taste my flesh and my blood
you will know you’re not alone

Chorus:
There is none that can replace her
though there are many who will try
and though some may be her bridesmaids
they can never be my bride

The Unveiling

2011-08-01T05:48:00.000-04:00

There are lots of books written for pastors. They even have schools specializing in training those called into ministry. But what about a pastor's wife? Often times they don't realize what they signed up for. While their husband is busy teaching, preaching, visiting, and counseling, many pastor's wives find themselves struggling.

This little blog is my perspective on life in the ministry fishbowl. I'll honestly share some of my struggles, burdens, passions, frustrations and joys of life as a pastor's wife. Being younger and very new at this I do not claim to have any answers. This is just a place for me to share my life experiences as I learn day by day to rely on the Lord in this crazy world of full time ministry.

If you are not a pastor (or a family member of one) then the stresses, challenges, and difficulties of those in ministry probably don't ever enter your mind. If that's you, I hope this blog serves as a gentle reminder to pray for those serving in ministry. And for those of you deep in the trenches of ministry: may this little blog serve as a reminder that you are not alone.

Change is Coming...

2011-07-12T11:48:00.003-04:00

I've been gone for too long but have no fear...stay tuned because this blog is about to get a complete overhaul. New name, direction, look...everything. Creativity is brewing and I have a million things to talk about. Ministry is not for the faint of heart and living as a pastor's wife has a lot that goes with it and I think I need an outlet. I can't wait to start anew so check back soon!!

Into the Heart of Malawi

2011-06-07T15:16:00.004-04:00

80% of the population live in poverty, surviving on less than 1 US dollar a day.

The spread of AIDS in Malawi has reduced life expectancy to 43 and threatens to destroy families and villages.

http://operationworld.24-7prayer.com/country.php?country_id=85

........

My sister Samantha is spending the next 7 weeks working with Circle of Hope International to reach out to the people of Malawi. She has been gearing up for this trip over the past couple of months and as of yesterday she landed in Africa. Please keep her in your prayers as she spends this exciting and challenging time overseas. Samantha will be posting updates on her blog as well as on the Circle of Hope website. There is also a prayer guide on the CHI website with specific requests relating to what the teams will be doing on certain days. She is going to have an amazing experience and I can't wait to hear what the Lord did while Samantha was over there. Until then I will continue to pray and I ask that if you are reading this please join with me in seeking the Lord. Our heart is to see the Gospel spread to every nation tribe and tongue and to see people set free through the powerful death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Praise be to God!

Overwhelmed By The Faithfulness of God!

2011-06-02T07:17:00.001-04:00

Things I Miss About Louisville:
- My church family, especially our amazing community group
- Assorted shopping places (Borders, Old Navy, World Market, etc)
- Starbucks...awww man an iced coffee sounds amazing right now.
- Plenty of date night places to choose from
- The fulfillment I received when I could tell I was making a difference with the girls at Maryhurst.

Things I Do Not Miss About Louisville:
- The traffic and absolutely awful Louisville drivers.
- Our teeny tiny one bedroom apartment
- Working 3rd shift hours.

Now my list for what I miss about Louisville is slightly longer than the drawbacks of living there however let me share about life here in Maysville. I told Jon the other day that the longer we are here the more evident it becomes that God faithfully saw fit to place us at Lewisburg Baptist Church. The almost 18 month search was well worth the wait because I can tell you now that this small community of believers has completely taken us in as their family. God intended to display his amazing faithfulness by making this place exceed our expectations. There is something special happening here and it started way before we set foot in Maysville.

Just A Few Things I love about Maysville:
- Our church family. I have a funny feeling I may be writing a lot about this in the future. We have especially been enjoying our Thursday night small group and the church has an exciting week of VBS coming up soon. I'm looking forward to tons of Gospel opportunities.
- Our beautiful three bedroom parsonage, all of which the church pretty much takes care of.
- Walking out in the yard at night and seeing the lawn lit up with hundreds of fireflies.
- The pristine countryside.
- Oh...and did I mention the people? As a church family they welcomed us here with open arms and after an amazingly good pot luck they presented us with a cooler full of gift cards to local restaurants and hang out spots. What a blessing that was to our little family.

God is good and continues to provide for all of our needs. I am still looking for a part time job so prayers on that front would be appreciated. I guess I'll close out this post with 8 month pictures of my boy. Sorry these are almost a month late. Hopefully I can actually post his 9 month pictures on time.

Look at those teeth!

What Have We Been Up To?

2011-05-20T04:34:00.000-04:00

We have been cleaning (and now unpacking)...

We've said tons of goodbyes...

We've been humbled by our friends who sent us out with love and lots of prayers...

With the help of our new church family we moved into a beautiful house.

We have fallen in love with Maysville and the amazing people who have so lovingly welcomed us. Hopefully soon I can actually post some faces but a picture of the church will have to do for now.

This last month has just been crazy! Even though we still have a few piles of boxes still untouched I feel much more settled especially now that the stress of the transition has finally begun to fade. Now the focus has shifted to continuing to get to know everyone (and remember all of their names), prayerfully considering where the Lord desires to lead this community of believers, and wondering how can we reach out to a town where the majority of the people do not attend church.

It took me a while to get my bearings. I struggled to spend time with the Lord daily and certainly felt the stress of having to start over and open up to a whole new group of people. Vulnerability doesn't come quickly for me but God is already beginning to address that. Next week at our Bible study we are talking about community and Biblical community can't happen unless we are real with each other. Good stuff. I have already been so humbled by hearing the heart of my brothers and sisters here as they pray for the community, friends and family around them. This is a group of believers who want to reach out. I am looking forward to seeing God teach us how to truly foster Biblical community as we hold on another accountable, grow deeper in the Lord with a hunger for his Word, a passion for a prayer and a yearning to see this community changed by the truth of the Gospel.

Things are good and I am certain that the Lord has a lot he wants to do in Maysville. We just have to listen and be obedient. Keep us in your prayers!!

And the transition begins

2011-04-17T06:46:00.004-04:00

1 hour and 13 minutes..before I clock out for the last time.

4 hours...before we head to Crossing church for our last service with this group of believers.

3 days...before our last community group.

5 days...before we load up the moving van.

7 days...before Jon's first sermon and the start of a new phase of life.

Wow, things are getting ready to change and I'm trying to hang on for dear life. We have spent the last 5 years here in Louisville working hard, making some amazing friends and striving to serve the Lord. Now we have been called elsewhere. Jon and I are SO excited about this next step but man is it hard to say goodbye. My mind keeps wandering to the story of Abraham called to leave his home for a land he didn't even know about, at least I know where I'm going and I like it! I'm so thankful that God promises to never leave us for forsake us. I'm thankful that in the midst of everything changing I have a rock I can cling to. I'm thankful that he promised to give us life...and not just life but life more abundant. Stay tuned because I will have a lot to share over the coming weeks. I can't wait to post pictures of our new place and the new family we will soon be a part of. God is good.

Nothin' Like It

2011-04-09T06:29:00.003-04:00

I drove to work tonight with my windows down. Spring is finally here and I'm lovin' every minute of it. I've always been the kind of person that associates music with well...everything. An occasion, feeling, memory and yes even the turning of seasons can bring certain artists or songs to mind. When summer rolls around I can't help but think of Coldplay or the Beach Boys, and possibly some Oldies too. When winter barrels in you better not come between me and my Christmas music. Okay, maybe my Christmas fever catches on a bit earlier than the start of winter but ya catch my drift.

Tonight on my way to work I broke out Andrew Peterson and couldn't help but smile. Here is one of my all time favorites.

I'm looking forward to gorgeous sunsets, breathing in the fresh air, feeling the grass between my toes, cook-outs, baseball/softball games, listening to crickets outside, and keeping my eyes peeled for lightning bugs. There is just something about spring.

Praying for Japan

2011-03-27T05:52:00.002-04:00

I read this article on the Gospel Coalition blog about what we as believers can be praying for as Japan works to rebuild after the devastating tsunami.

Update from Japan: How You Can Pray

With the rest of the world I have been watching footage of the devastation in Japan with my hands over my mouth. Videos and pictures have shown us the awful destruction and only make us wonder at how many lives are lost or now impoverished in ways beyond our ability to comprehend. Maybe you felt the same, but my prayers have only been groanings, hoping the Holy Spirit can give content to the needs I haven’t been able to articulate for Japan.

Two days ago, my wife rushed into my office and asked, “Do you think Keiko is alright?” Keiko Takahashi is a Japanese woman who was in our small group at church before she left less than a year ago to go work with Michael Oh at Christ Bible Seminary in Nagoya, Japan. After some investigation by email and Facebook, we found out she was fine, but working tirelessly, as you can imagine. I emailed Keiko to see if she could provide information on how the disaster is affecting Christians, local churches, and missionaries. Basically, I just wanted some information to help inform our prayers.

God’s Faithful Presence
Keiko’s response was thick with an awareness that God is present in Japan and that his providence, however mysterious, is good. But there are efforts, dark and spiritual, sowing the seeds of disorder, confusion, and anxiety. “When this kind of massive confusion occurs, some malice spirits spread dark malicious rumors,” she writes. “Evil demagogues on the Internet stir up the dark human desire, normally hidden at the bed of the original sin.”

Thankfully, the majority of Japanese people seem to be trusting the official reports from the authorities about the nuclear plants, aftershocks, and power outages. In fact, Keiko remarks the Japanese people have submitted to the authorities with orderliness and patience. She writes:

Even in the total power outage, nobody robs shops or rapes or anything, except for those who are normally committing such crimes. . . . There are no riots where we have to line up for several hours in the train station waiting to get into a packed-full train cart. They answer to the interviewer, “Compared to those who died or survived the tsunami, this long line is nothing. We want to help them by saving our electricity consumption for them.”

Let’s be thankful to God for this unusual order during a time of such devastation. There seems to be a common grace from God to the Japanese people that, as Keiko puts it, “They know that the power of love overcomes their sense of inconvenience to the extent of suffering.” But she reminds us, “Christianity must show far beyond.” Our love and kindness, Keiko writes, must be rooted in our faith in the atoning cross of Jesus, so that our acts of mercy will give honor to the “God who created and gives unceasing mercies and comforts.”

A Far Greater Struggle
In a nation with such a small Christian minority, the pressure Keiko endures from unbelieving family members is common to Christian workers in Japan. She explains:

My unbelieving family say in “love” that I should leave Japan for the United States because I have some contacts there. They assume that our goal for life is to physically preserve ourselves. But we know that our true goal is to die to the idol of self-preservation, and to be raised into God’s preservation, which is destined to victory.

She explains that what her family “cannot understand or accept is the fact that I see and taste the happiness that is given through the atoning cross of Christ. I came to Japan to die to all my self-dignity to live for Christ who loves to rescue his enemies, who alone can make me filled with all that I could hope for and far more.”

Kieko and her co-workers hear stories of “those who were swallowed by fast, dirty waters, yet never lost hope in the deadly struggle to survive for their loved ones.” But she knows that there is a far greater struggle, an eternal one, that compels her to stay in Japan. She explains:

Yet as we pray with missionaries from John Piper’s Bethlehem Baptist Church, we vividly see that even those spectacular survivors still do not know anything about the far more dreadful struggle they must deal with at the end of their lives here on earth, which will be final.

Pray for Christians, who, like Keiko describes it, “shine by showing our full confidence in Christ.”

Devastated ‘Rengo’ Christians
Portions of Keiko’s email were especially heart breaking. One in particular was her report of the “Rengo” Christians. She writes:

Among those killed [were the] many churches planted by the missionaries sent by the same denomination as John Piper’s denomination, called “Rengo” in Japanese. Their church planting efforts have been predominantly focused on these east coast areas that were just swept all away!!!

According to Keiko, biblical Christianity thrived in these eastern regions that were devastated by the tsunami waves. She writes, “People in this area have been traditionally known for poverty and enduring patience due to the severe weather. [They were] well prepared for the God of all mercies and comforts (2 Cor 1).” They were “precious believers” in a country that is less than 0.2 percent Christian.

She asks, without doubting God’s goodness or perfect wisdom, “Why does God do this?” Along with rebuilding churches and ministering to mourning communities, Christians in Japan will be faced with similar questions. Pray for wisdom and clarity.

How Can American Christians Help?
Keiko is clear that it’s not yet the time for material and human resource help. There is simply too much “traffic confusion and congestion due to the scheduled power outage in downtown Tokyo and because of the shattered roads in the areas hit.” But there are “460, 000 survivors who lost everything in a few minutes, including their loved ones, and are impoverished in every possible sense.” So as we wait and pray, let’s pray that when the time comes to help, the means will be ready and effective.

The deep need in Japan from American Christians is prayer. Keiko writes, “Please pray and encourage us to fight a good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith until the Lord makes us home with him.” She is keenly aware that there will be temptations on every side in this fight for faithfulness. She reminds us, “I cannot choose to die to my flesh at all by myself, but only by the Spirit and by the power of his divine grace and his perfect righteousness. That is why prayer counts so much.”

The challenge for Christian workers is the significant biblical illiteracy in Japan. “Most Japanese people,” Keiko explains, “have never heard of the true meaning of God’s grace given through the cross of his Son.” So especially now, when some are offering false hope or claiming apocalyptical doom, many “cannot tell the Spirit from the spirits of evil cults, which are out to be the wolves in sheep skins. So we should not just send Bibles and tracts to the survivors at refugee shelters.”

The temptation, then, is for Christian to labor in their own strength. But let’s pray that they believe and act on what Keiko articulates so clearly:

We sow and water but God is the one who actually brings them to growth, not to death. . . . We shine by showing them our full confidence in Christ, not on our character or our wisdom or even our faith, etc., but in our conviction that there is no sin that he cannot atone for his own pleasure. We must reflect such miraculous generosity of God solely by the living Spirit.

That is why our and your prayer counts so significantly. It makes so much theological sense to pray and express our dependency on him who sanctifies us and saves the lost beyond our imagination.

Pray for the suffering and the mourning. Pray for local church communities to be faithful lights of the gospel. Pray that the hope of God’s grace in Christ will rest upon many hearts in Japan over the coming months.

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2011/03/16/update-from-japan-how-you-can-pray/

Normal sleep a 'privilege' for night workers

2011-03-26T04:57:00.002-04:00

I came across this article on CNN's website. Although my job has been a blessing and at times a HUGE challenge I will not miss the hours. Not one bit!!

With biology beckoning their bodies to sleep during the night, shift workers say staying awake is always a struggle.

(CNN) -- Gregory Jones begins his day when his family and the rest of the world winds down and gets ready for bed.

The New Jersey truck driver reports to work at 8 p.m. He loads, stacks and transports vegetables and fruits until 4 a.m.

"I don't get eight hours," Jones said about his workday sleeping habits. "Sleep for me is a privilege. It's a blessing if I can get it."

Night workers like Jones are at higher risk for heart disease, diabetes, and other conditions. With biology beckoning their bodies to sleep during the night, shift workers say they struggle to stay awake no matter how many years they've done it.

When sleep prevails, there can be major consequences for others as well.

On Wednesday, two airplanes landed at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport shortly after midnight without an air traffic controller.

The controller, a 20-year veteran who was suspended, told investigators that he had fallen asleep, according to the National Transportation Safety Board. "He had been working his fourth consecutive overnight shift (10:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m.)" according to a statement from the agency.
"Human fatigue issues are one of the areas being investigated," said the board's statement.

While it's terrible that the employee fell asleep, it's not fair to solely blame the worker, said Jeanne Geiger-Brown, an associate professor at the University of Maryland School of Nursing who researches shift work and sleep.

About 16 percent of the workforce participate in a type of shift work.

"We have to look at the way work is organized so people on the night shift are safe and effective on the job," she said. "The knee-jerk reaction of blaming the person who falls asleep is not really looking at the big picture."

Accidents tend to happen late in the night or in the early morning -- as it did with the Three Mile Island disaster in 1979 and the Chernobyl disaster in 1986.

It's unnatural for humans to be nocturnal -- no matter how much coffee is consumed.

"All shift workers get sleepy," said Geiger-Brown. "20% of workers doze off during night shift. People aren't machines."

Working the night shift can strain the social life and family time. Adjusting between weekends and work days can also wreak havoc on their sleep schedules.

Humans are wired to sleep at night by their circadian rhythm, a 24-hour cycle that brings about physical, mental and behavioral changes in the body. The circadian rhythm affects sleep cycles, hormone releases, body temperature and various processes.

"If you're trying to alter your natural body rhythm, we don't adjust perfectly to that," said Dr. Nancy Collop, director of Emory Clinic Sleep Disorders Center.

Even when night shift workers try to sleep eight hours during the day to be ready for work, they don't get enough sleep, she said.

When Jones, the nighttime trucker based in South Amboy, New Jersey, has a stretch of eight hours in the daytime to sleep, his body won't allow him.

"I will wake up after four hours," he said. "I'm wide awake. I can't go back to sleep. That has to do with the sun is out and the birds are singing."

There are exceptions, of course. Some people thrive during the dark and are natural night owls, but for most people, staying awake through the night is "trying to do something their bodies don't want to do," said Collop, the president-elect of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

"Our circadian rhythm wants us to sleep at night," she said.

After 10 years on the night shift, Jones said the pay difference between the daytime shift is worth the sacrifice. But many night shift workers pay a price in their health.

Night shift workers are at higher risk of cardiovascular diseases, endocrine disorders, diabetes and various types of cancers.

Jones has tried to avoid those risks by exercising two hours a day.

"I've seen guys who seem to have deteriorated," he said about co-workers. "I see the toll it has taken on them. They've gotten heavier, have different aches and pains. I've learned to deal with it and just not to count the hours."

Sleep deprivation could be also be a major factor in obesity. A study from Columbia University found that people ate up to 329 more calories a day when they were sleep deprived.

After Derrick Hayes, a juvenile corrections officer switched to the overnight shift last year, he gained 20 pounds.

"You're not even mindful that you're not eating healthy," he said, adding that he started relying on vending machines. "You're just grabbing stuff because you want to eat at night. You get caught up in the lifestyle -- you're just sleeping, you work, you sleep, work, sleep and you're not exercising and eating right."

Hayes has lost most of that extra weight and is trying to eat a more balanced diet with fruit and water.

What could also contribute to metabolic disorders and obesity is that the body's rhythm may be off kilter to properly break down a hamburger at 3 a.m., said Giles Duffield, a University of Notre Dame biologist.

One of the liver's function is to digest food, absorb nutrients and get rid of toxic substances. The liver may not have sufficient level of enzymes to break food down and store nutrients at that time.

"A lot of enzymes found in the liver are rhythmic," Duffield said. "[The enzymes] are expecting food in the time you'd eat. The liver expects fats and sugars during the daytime not the nighttime."

But one upside of the night shift is that it gives Hayes flexibility in the day to run errands, pay bills and take his kids to doctor's appointments.

"It works for me," Hayes said about his current schedule. "It may not work for everybody. I try to have a positive mindset, keep my mind focused on what I have to do."

http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/25/night.shift.workers/index.html?hpt=C1#

6 Month Pictures

2011-03-23T00:01:00.000-04:00

It has taken me longer to post these than I had orignally promised. Well here they are. It is difficult to get a 6 month old to pose for pictures for any length of time and I have a funny feeling it is only going to get harder from here on out once he starts crawling around. My amazing husband took most of these pictures himself without the added help of another set of hands. Not surprisingly, Aiden wasn't the most cooperative subject.

He was easily distracted

He kept babbling...

and hasn't quite gotten the hang of sitting up by himself. Although only one week later he mastered this milestone.

Sometimes he found other things more entertaining than the camera, namely a piece of paper.

But then, other times he was a perfect gentleman. I love my little boy to pieces!!

a HUGE answer to prayer

2011-03-22T02:15:00.005-04:00

Let me start off by saying that God is faithful in all circumstances; when we suffer loss, when we are in the midst of waiting, and also in the mundane every day grind of life. However today, right now, I want to rejoice in the faithfulness of God displayed in answered prayers. I want to shout from the rooftops that God has heard our prayers!

It has been an excruciatingly long 16 months of waiting but we got the call. A beautiful body of believers in Maysville, KY has felt God's leading to call Jon to be their pastor. How humbling, how thrilling and how absolutely terrifying!! Haha, words can't express our gratitude and joy.

My husband wrote a beautiful post that sums up everything that has brought us to this point in time.

http://thegrovesblog.blogspot.com/

It looks like the month of April is going to bring some huge changes for us so I'm sure I will have a lot to share in the coming weeks. Meanwhile we could definitely use your prayers. Please pray for Jon as he prepares to step in alongside this church. Pray for him as he seeks to lead and love in a manner glorifying to God. Keep me in your prayers since I will have to find a part-time job. Please pray that the Lord leads me to the right place where I can hopefully find a job I enjoy but even more so that I can be put in a place to do ministry. In general we just need prayers as we prepare for this whole transition. It's stressful and crazy but so exciting. Maysville Kentucky, here we come!

John Pipper's Prayer for Japan

2011-03-16T04:46:00.003-04:00

Father in heaven, you are the absolute Sovereign over the shaking of the earth, the rising of the sea, and the raging of the waves. We tremble at your power and bow before your unsearchable judgments and inscrutable ways. We cover our faces and kiss your omnipotent hand. We fall helpless to the floor in prayer and feel how fragile the very ground is beneath our knees.

O God, we humble ourselves under your holy majesty and repent. In a moment—in the twinkling of an eye—we too could be swept away. We are not more deserving of firm ground than our fellowmen in Japan. We too are flesh. We have bodies and homes and cars and family and precious places. We know that if we were treated according to our sins, who could stand? All of it would be gone in a moment. So in this dark hour we turn against our sins, not against you.

And we cry for mercy for Japan. Mercy, Father. Not for what they or we deserve. But mercy.

Have you not encouraged us in this? Have we not heard a hundred times in your Word the riches of your kindness, forbearance, and patience? Do you not a thousand times withhold your judgments, leading your rebellious world toward repentance? Yes, Lord. For your ways are not our ways, and your thoughts are not our thoughts.

Grant, O God, that the wicked will forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts. Grant us, your sinful creatures, to return to you, that you may have compassion. For surely you will abundantly pardon. Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord Jesus, your beloved Son, will be saved.

May every heart-breaking loss—millions upon millions of losses—be healed by the wounded hands of the risen Christ. You are not unacquainted with your creatures’ pain. You did not spare your own Son, but gave him up for us all.

In Jesus you tasted loss. In Jesus you shared the overwhelming flood of our sorrows and suffering. In Jesus you are a sympathetic Priest in the midst of our pain.

Deal tenderly now, Father, with this fragile people. Woo them. Win them. Save them.

And may the floods they so much dread make blessings break upon their head.

O let them not judge you with feeble sense, but trust you for your grace. And so behind this providence, soon find a smiling face.

In Jesus’ merciful name, Amen.

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All I can think to say in response to this is, Amen.

Tears of the Saints

2011-03-09T02:57:00.002-05:00

Leeland is a band that has been around for a while but I just heard this song for the first time a month or two ago. A good friend of mine summed up this whole song in one word, "annointed."

God may our hearts break for those around us.

LEELAND

There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People's hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
We're crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it's state of desperation
For Your glory

This is an emergency!

Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!

And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

A Glimpse of Hope

2011-03-08T07:19:00.000-05:00

Spring will be here in about TWO weeks and I can hardly contain my excitement so allow me to sum up life in a few short paragraphs.

S- Singin' In the Rain

A few weeks ago I saw this adorable movie for the first time and I completely fell in love. Now, I know that not every one is a fan of musicals but this is a fantastic and funny movie with some of the best dance numbers I've seen in a long time and a great plot. A few weeks after seeing this movie a friend of mine told me about adult dance lessons here that only cost $12 a class...I couldn't help myself. I have felt a bit cooped up lately so at the urging of my amazing husband I enrolled and bought myself a pair of brand spankin' new tap shoes. Watch out Ginger Rogers...hehe. Okay not quite. I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing but I'm having a grand time making a fool out of myself!

P- Philippians

A few weeks ago Jon and I started memorizing the book of Philippians with a goal of having it down by Easter. It is no coincidence that God led us to begin memorizing this book. Jon and I have struggled for some time as we have waited for about a year and a half for a ministry job. We needed an example of godly joy in the midst of any circumstance and a reminder that our situation is not as bad as it seemed. This task has proven to be a huge undertaking especially since I haven't worked on memorizing scripture in quite a while. I have seen how much time I would rather spend on frivolous things such as tv, or the internet when what I really should be doing is meditating on the word of God. Next week we will finish up chapter 2 and move on to chapter 3. Let's hope I can hang in there!

R- Renewed Hope

About a month ago Jon received a surprising phone call. I won't share any details just yet but I will say that the Lord has in his grace showered us with hope. In only a matter of weeks we will know for sure if this door will remain open, and if that is the case there will be some major changes happening. For now we truly covet your prayers as we seek God's wisdom and guidance. Our desire is to be right where the Lord calls even if that means staying put.

I- Inspiring Stories

At the end of December I finished up the biography of Adoniram Judson called To The Golden Shore. It is a book I would HIGHLY recommend. The heartache and struggles this man went through is humbling to say the least. It is a call to be willing to sacrifice all for the sake of the Gospel. For Christmas my husband's brother bought me a book about George Muller that I hope to start soon. I continue to be blessed and challenged in so many ways by the saints that have gone before me. Their stories are such beautiful testimonies of the greatness of our God. I just can't get enough of them.

N- New Life
A ton of our friends are either expecting or just had babies!! In fact in the span of 10 months our community group has added somewhere in the area of 6 kids with one more due in a matter of weeks. God is good!

G- Growing Boy
Aiden is 6 months old today! I can hardly believe it. Sadly though I have done a horrible job at posting pictures and updating this blog with exploits of our rambunctious little boy. Aiden is a very strong willed child who can hardly sit still. He was rolling over when he was only a few months old and hasn't stopped moving since. Aiden loves to explore his environment and everything he touches goes straight into his little mouth. His most recent milestone has been to push himself up when he is on his tummy. I have a funny feeling that soon our little one will be crawling all over the place. Here are a few recent pictures. I hope to post 6 month pictures at the end of the week.

Comfort for God's People

2011-03-02T06:59:00.002-05:00

I spent some time reading through Isaiah 40 last night and was so struck by the power and truth of God's living and active word.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."

Praying you find strength and joy in the Lord of all creation today.

4 Months Already

2011-02-01T07:26:00.002-05:00

I don't have much time to post an update but here are somewhat dated 4 month pictures of my handsome little boy! He's growing so fast!!

Not My Home

2011-01-29T06:12:00.006-05:00

If our current situation has taught me anything it is that this earth is not my home. I'm thankful that God chose to shake me out of my comfortable life to bring me to a place of uncertainty and difficulty. It makes me long even more for my heavenly home where all things are set right under the authority of a holy God. May I always keep this mindset and remember that although I have that hope many others do not...that should mean something...that should move me to action.

This is my prayer for today...

Exhausted

2011-01-26T00:00:00.002-05:00

I have had this post saved for a couple of days unsure if I actually wanted to publish it or not. After I read my husband's most recent blog I decided to post mine as well. Funny enough Jon and I both wrote a lot of the same stuff. Prepare for plenty of honesty and quite a bit of brokenness because that's about all I have to offer...

----------------

I haven't posted on here for forever. I just don't have the energy or drive anymore. Maybe I'll pick this up again but right now, I'm just not sure. It feels like I have been beat down by life, dramatic I know. I'm at a breaking point and just so overwhelmed at what feels like a hopeless situation, although I know it is far from that.

Our current situation that I have blogged so often about has not changed, not one bit. Still no ministry job for Jon, still crammed into this one bedroom apartment and my heart continues to ache every time I leave my little boy to go to work. Laundry continues to pile up, dishes go unwashed, my husband and I kiss in passing as we are torn apart by opposing schedules. We are only able to spend one night out of the whole week in the same bed. ONE NIGHT. There is just something wrong about that. Soon our little boy will be crawling around and I'm just not sure what to do about that because there is no way to baby proof our existing apartment...we have stuff crammed into every little nook and cranny trying to make the most of our dwindling space. I'm tired of praying and asking the Lord to provide, I'm tired of remaining optimistic, I'm just plain tired.

That's where I am at. The awful, uncensored sinful truth. I know our situation is not dire, and I also know that there are millions of other people in worse shape than we are...I know this. I know what the Bible says about the God I serve and I know what it says about my own heart and limited understanding. So...I need God to change my heart, to remind me that his ways are beyond my understanding but that he is good and faithful even when it doesn't seem that way. I desperately need His strength and grace because I'm failing miserably at living out the gospel for those around me. But God...can't you just please give us something? A little glimmer of hope is all I need...just a glimmer.

...

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...."

Clinging to Hope

2010-12-22T07:42:00.002-05:00

Cast not away your confidence because God defers his performances. That which does not come in your time, will be hastened in his time, which is always the more convenient season. God will work when he pleases, how he pleases, and by what means he pleases. He is not bound to keep our time, but he will perform his word, honour our faith, and reward them that diligently seek him.

- Matthew Henry

Our Little Boy Is Growing Up

2010-12-18T07:15:00.004-05:00

Drawing inspiration from another blog my husband and I decided to record the first 100 days of our son's life on camera. Well, Thursday marked the end of our 100 day adventure so I thought I would post the finished product. It's hard to believe Aiden is now over three months old and growing stronger and more animated by the day. We have been incredibly blessed by this little boy so let this slide show be a small declaration of God's goodness!

A Working Mom

2010-12-11T01:42:00.003-05:00

(He's a cutie huh?!?!?)

Well our little man is now officially 3 months old! It's crazy how fast the time is going. Lots of things have changed in the past week. Since God has yet to provide a ministry opportunity for Jon I am now a working mom...an identity I wish I never had to accept. I hate it. I've been faced with a fairly ugly side of myself lately. As my first week of work was approaching I was struck by an overwhelming sense of anger. I was angry at God and for what? Because I didn't get my way? Yeah. Because in my ultimate wisdom I thought I knew what was best? Could this truly be glorifying to God? If my heart was so invested in being a stay at home mom why would God send me back to work? I just didn't understand and I honestly still do not fully grasp why this has happened. I just know that my heart aches. It aches just as much as it did a week ago and I can't help but ask, "How long?"

Last Friday was my first night back at work and I was a mess. I cried during the day, I cried when I had to kiss my son goodnight, I cried leaving for work, and I cried at work...yeah I was a blubbering mess. Even though I knew he would be sleeping most of the night I still had a fear I would miss something important. That first week was awful. When I wasn't at work missing my son and husband I was at home feeling guilty every time I had to shift my focus to cleaning, laundry, making dinner and sleeping. I just wanted to soak in every minute with that adorable little boy because I knew that all too soon he would be grown up.

Now that the awful first week is behind me Jon and I are struggling to figure out this new schedule. We basically have one day off together and are working a crazy work schedule in between. I don't believe we have ever had this much stress on our marriage and at times it feels as if we are barely keeping our heads above water. I know that in the grand scheme of things we are not really suffering. The three of us are all healthy (praise the Lord!) and Jon and I are blessed with jobs that keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs but I would certainly call this a trying time. I once thought I was a somewhat patient person as I waited on the Lord's timing, now I know that is not anywhere close to the truth.

So here I am, with faith that is barely visible crying out to the Lord to show himself. Things are tough but I know that God is faithful, I know that he is good and I know beyond a doubt that his timing is perfect now if only my heart could just get in line with my head and believe it. "Lord I believe, help my unbelief."

2 Months and Counting

2010-11-17T11:44:00.003-05:00

Well we have successfully made it two months so I thought I would celebrate by sharing some more pictures of our handsome little man. He just captures my heart! Maybe one day I will be able to post more about life but this is just about all I have time for. Ah well. Enjoy!

Life Post Labor

2010-11-05T12:36:00.005-04:00

Life has been a whirlwind of diaper changes, feedings and sleepless nights since Aiden made his appearance but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's fairly obvious that I have struggled to find time for anything let alone blogging since our little one has been born. However now things are settling down a bit, if only for today.

It's a little sad how no one talks about what life is like the first few months after a baby is born. Maybe women don't want to discourage soon to be moms but no one talks about the stress, roller coaster of emotions, the pain of breastfeeding and the struggle a husband and wife face as they work to figure out what their relationship should look like now that they are no longer a family of two. There may be a few first time moms who experience nothing but sunshine and roses upon the birth of their child but I haven't met any yet. For the majority of mommas it's hard and can be completely overwhelming. Lacking the support of any family in close proximity can make things even more stressful and it's easy to feel like you are completely alone. If any first time moms are reading this I'll tell you now that you are not alone. You shouldn't have to put on a poker face and pretend that life is dandy. Parenthood is hard and I have never been so aware of how much I need the support of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Now that Aiden has almost hit the 2 month mark I feel as if things have become more manageable, with crazy days thrown in to remind me of my ever present need for God and His grace. With a bit of stability on the baby front, Jon and I are beginning to figure out how to still cherish each other and our date day even with a little one tagging along. God is good and every day I am reminded of his faithfulness.

With my maternity leave coming close to an end I'm trying to soak in every minute with this little man. Here are a few highlights of a normal day with Aiden:
1. Cuddle time as Aiden enjoys his meals.
2. Fun smiles during tummy time. (His tummy time doesn't last very long since he likes rolling over!)
3. Reading stories from the Mighty Acts of God: A Family Bible Story Book.
4. Talking to Aiden about all sorts of topics from his daddy's love of trains to my heart for missions and missionaries.
5. Praying over Aiden that he would come to know God at a young age and that as he grows in knowledge and love of the Lord he would be completely sold out for Christ. I'm learning more each day that Aiden is not my own. May his life be used for the glory of God!

Here are a few pictures to close out this post. I'll be putting up his two month old pictures soon. Enjoy!!

This face just melts my heart!!

Aiden's Birth Story

2010-10-23T15:20:00.000-04:00

I have been working on this birth story for weeks and it has honestly been an overwhelming process. How do you put into words one of the most amazing experiences of your life? Trying to sum up a little over 24 hours of labor along with all of the emotions seemed a daunting task but I have finally finished it. Here is a very edited version of the day Jon and I met our son for the first time.

12:30am (September 7th)
It began early on Tuesday morning. I awoke with what I thought were intense Braxton hicks contractions. It kind of caught me off guard because those pre-labor contractions had never disturbed my sleep before, but as I lay in bed, I wondered excitedly if this could possibly be the beginning of real labor. Unable to sleep I watched the clock and by 1:30am what I initially thought were Braxton hicks contractions were now around 5-7 minutes apart. For the next couple of hours I took a shower, ate, and tried sleeping to make sure that what I was experiencing was real labor. By 5am the contractions were a steady five minutes apart and more intense, so we spent the next hour or so getting the last of our things together.

7:00am
At around 7am we were heading out the door to the hospital; it was our last time leaving the apartment as a family of two.

(We quickly took this picture between contractions before heading out the door to the hospital.)

Once at the hospital we were escorted back to triage and to our excitement were informed that I was already a good 6-7 centimeters dilated.

After formal admission and moving to a labor and delivery room, we got situated and I spent a couple of hours relaxing through contractions as Jon coached and encouraged me. I seriously could not have asked for a better husband. He was calm and patient as he reminded me to breath deeply and relax over and over again. At 11am the nurse came in to check me and I was a solid 7 centimeters, 100% effaced and the baby was at -1 or 0 station. Things were looking good and we were on track for a mid-afternoon delivery. I was making progress and thought for sure that labor would not last too long.

1:00pm

Two hours later after walking around and changing positions multiple times I had not made any more progress and contractions had not gotten any closer together. I continued to focus on relaxing through the contractions and we kept going. At this point my mom had actually driven down from Pennsylvania and made it to Louisville in time to help Jon coach me during contractions. Having both her and Jon during the majority of my labor was incredibly encouraging.

3:00pm
At 3pm, the nurse approached us about having my water broken. By now I was up for almost anything that would bring some progress, so I was completely on board. Jon was a little more skeptical, knowing that once they broke my water there was a time table on what we hoped would be a natural labor. We were also told around this same time that my doctor would not be able to make our delivery but that another doctor from the same practice would take her place.

After talking about our options, we agreed to let the doctor break my water. Once we had made the decision, I was really excited at the prospect of labor speeding up and finally meeting our child. But my excitement was quickly snuffed out when I heard that my new doctor, Dr. Walsh would not be able to make it to the hospital until 5pm. At this point I was feeling so frustrated knowing that I would have to labor another 2 hours or more before I could have my water broken. The thought of no progress was overwhelmingly discouraging. This labor was not going as we had hoped but we continued to pray surrendering this whole situation to the Lord.

6:30pm
11 hours after arriving at the hospital, Dr. Walsh broke my water. She discovered meconium in the fluid but didn't seem too concerned since the baby wasn't showing any signs of distress. This was going to be the event that kick started my labor, I was sure. But by 8pm I still had not made any more progress and Dr. Walsh told us that she wanted to start me on pitocin.

The thought of being given pitocin was terrifying to me because I had heard horror stories about how awful contractions can become. We were assured that they would start me off on a very low dose, so an IV was started and at 8:30pm the med was administered. Labor quickly got more intense as my contractions went from 5-7 minutes apart to 3-4 minutes apart. Relaxing through contractions became incredibly difficult as they intensified and became more frequent. At one point the contractions were so overwhelming that I got sick, which actually made me feel a bit better. Jon continued to coach and encourage me throughout the process; he continually reminded me to consciously relax during the contractions, allowing them to do the work.

10:00pm
After an hour and a half of pitocin I was fully dilated and feeling a huge urge to push. Finally I was going to meet our baby, we were so close...or so I thought. I pushed for an hour before the doctor discovered that the baby's head was sideways, meaning that I wasn't making any progress. So she attempted to turn the baby during the contractions. Not only was pushing incredibly difficult but the pressure and pain of my doctor trying to reposition the baby was overwhelming. For another hour I pushed as hard as I could, three times every contraction as my doctor tried desperately to turn the head. Nothing was happening and I wasn't sure if I could keep going. I was physically exhausted and mentally so frustrated at the lack of progress; I just wanted this baby OUT!

When I reached the 2 hour mark of pushing our doctor first discussed with us the possibility of a c-section. I couldn't let go of the fact that I had worked so hard, there was no way I was going to give up and get a c-section. NO WAY!! I kept praying and asking the Lord to protect this baby and bring him or her into the world naturally. I pushed for another 45 minutes with still no progress. Dr. Walsh told us that we really needed to consider a c-section because we had almost reached the 3 hour mark.

That second discussion lit a fire under me and I was more focused than ever to push this little one out. Jon had left the room to talk to my mom about what the doctor had said and by the time he returned, Dr. Walsh told him that she had actually seen a little progress and was cautiously optimistic. She was willing to let me push for a bit longer. I remember her turning to me saying, "Kristen you are going to have to push harder than you ever have before." As I pushed Jon prayed asking the Lord to give me the strength and protect both of us from harm. Amazingly during this whole time the baby's heart rate was a steady 130 beats per minute and showing absolutely no signs of distress.

I pushed harder and harder with every contraction and Dr. Walsh's encouraging words rang in my ears as she said, "You are going to push this baby out!"

1:15am (Wednesday September 8th)
At 1:15am, the delivery team was called in and I could hear the excitement and emotion in Jon's voice as he said he could see the top of our baby's head. "Honey, you're doing it!! It's coming!" I continued pushing and suddenly all the pressure, pain and exhaustion was over. At 1:35am September 8th (his actual due date) our little one was born. Jon heard someone say, He's a big boy!" I looked down and saw my beautiful son for the first time; the sight took my breath away. We had done it. Aiden was a healthy 7 pounds 15 ounces and 20.5 inches long.

Jon and I were both overcome with so many emotions. We were overjoyed at the birth of our son, Aiden. God had been so faithful in this amazing miracle we had just witnessed. Jon and I still cannot believe that everything ended up the way that it did. There is no explanation except for the complete faithfulness of a mighty and loving God. With the possibility of a c-section and fear of harm for me or the baby it is amazing to recognize that God was so faithful to not only protect but to provide for all circumstances. Granted we would have been fine but discouraged going with a c-section but my heart was really set on a natural labor and God heard that prayer. I labored for just over 24 hours, 18 of them at the hospital and pushed for a long 3 and a half hours and like everyone always says, it was worth every minute. We are so thankful to God for his unending faithfulness and cannot wait to see how he continues to be faithful in the life of little Aiden Samuel Groves.

(A family of three!!)

It's A Boy!!!

2010-09-14T08:40:00.006-04:00

Aiden Samuel Groves made is debut into the world on his due date September 8th, 2010 at 1:35am. He weighed in at 7 pounds 15 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long. Jon and I are so thankful to be blessed with such a precious little boy who has completely stolen our hearts. Right now we are adjusting to life as a family of three but I hope to soon post about our whole birth experience, until then here are a few pictures of our little man. I couldn't be more in love with him!!!

Still Pregnant

2010-08-29T00:49:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would check in quickly to update everyone to the fact that yes I am still very much pregnant, 38 weeks and counting. My intuition says that this baby is coming sometime this week but who knows. I've never done this before so I could be WAY off.

Right now it feels as if everything is about this little baby. Jon and I have been working hard to make sure everything is ready and all of the lose ends are tied up. The baby's bed is made, car seat is installed, phone tree set up, and the hospital bags are packed. Those items are just a few of the things I have been checking off my to-do list before the big day arrives. Thankfully there really isn't much else that needs to be done We're ready, well as ready as you can be when it comes to having your first baby.

Now that everything is in place we wait! I've told numerous people that I feel like a ticking time bomb. My sisters, mom, friends and other family members are anxiously awaiting the phone call telling them that I am in labor. I spend most of the day thinking about what our precious baby will look like and what my labor is going to entail. I wonder when I will go into labor, where I will be, how I will handle the pain, what it will be like to finally meet our child coupled with the excitement of finding out if it's a boy or girl and how it will feel to bring our little one home for the first time. This whole situation just seems so surreal. It almost feels as if it will never happen but my body is certainly telling me otherwise. My back hurts, bending/squatting down is a chore, getting out of bed and turning over are all monumental tasks that require more energy than I often feel like expending.

With all of the aches and pains that come with pregnancy I am still incredibly thankful. The past 9 months have been a huge time of growth full of challenges and stress. I know without any doubt that becoming a mom will teach me more than I could have ever imagined and will change me to my very core. This is really happening!

You Alone Can Rescue

2010-08-08T05:14:00.003-04:00

We are singing this song in church today and the lyrics keep running through my head so I thought I would share this song in hopes that it encourages someone else. Enjoy!

You Alone Can Rescue:

Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still

Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still

You alone can rescue, You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us, led us out of death
To You alone belongs the highest praise

You, oh Lord, have made a way
The great divide You heal
For when our hearts were far away
Your love went further still
Yes, your love goes further still

You alone can rescue, You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us, led us out of death
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You alone belongs the highest praise

You alone

We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life

The Provision of Our Great God

2010-08-04T17:20:00.000-04:00

This is a duplicate post from my baby blog but I loved the post so much that I wanted to add it here too.

Last month was so full of the goodness of God. It's not that His goodness changes, just sometimes my heart is in a better place to take notice. We have been so blessed by the amazing love and support we have received from our friends and family. My mom and sisters threw me a surprise shower in Pennsylvania when Jon and I went to visit in July. Here is just a small pictures of the graciousness of those closest to us.

And this is how the love of Christ was displayed...

Last weekend, two of my dear friends here in Louisville put together a wonderful shower for me. I've told Jon this numerous times but I never imagined I have would made such amazing godly friends through such a crazy job. That Saturday I was surrounded by tons of girl friends and some family too. What did I say? Yes, we are blessed beyond measure. I love these girls!!

Can I just say that many of these women have the love language of gift giving. Their generosity is so humbling.

Now Jon and I are busy organizing and preparing our apartment for our new addition. I can't even say how wonderful it feels to have little baby things all over the place. It makes this seem even more real. We have what we need, and are putting everything in it's place...now I think we are about ready to meet our little one. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Summer Vacation

2010-08-01T20:59:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back. It has been a month or more since my last post. That's pretty shameful. In all honesty there hasn't been much to report. The past couple of months have been full of some discouragement and weariness brought on by our situation as we wait on the Lord's timing. I've just felt at a loss for words. There have been no dynamic revelations or miraculous answers to prayer but the Lord remains faithful just the same. His still small voice has been my close friend recently as I've taken joy in seeing God move quietly but lovingly through my friends, family, and especially Jon. His inerrant Word has been invaluable reminding me of His faithfulness. Often times I find myself repeating the truth that God is unchanging, his character remains the same. God is always faithful to his people, always. I know I've repeated that truth a lot lately in my blog but I need to hear it every day. In the midst of the waiting recently God has done a lot of renewal in the hearts of me and my husband. We are both feeling more refreshed concerning his ministry search and the excitement of our upcoming journey into parenthood brings so much joy as we get closer to meeting our little one. I have less than six weeks left for those who are counting!!

Part of this season of renewal came through time with family. Almost the whole month of July Jon and I traveled to different states to see our respective families. It was a time of much needed rest and relaxation and, like all vacations, it went far too quickly. I have a ton of pictures from these trips but I don't have access to most of them right now so I'll post back later with more pictures.

During the first part of July, Jon and I drove up to Chicago to meet up with some of his extended family, many of whom I hadn't seen since our wedding! It was a short trip but so worth it. After spending four days back at work we hit the road again to head up to Pennsylvania to visit my family. My mom and two younger sisters threw me a surprise shower. Jon and I were beyond blessed by the support and love we received through our friends and family.

Near the end of our visit Jon had a little surprise in store for me as well. He took me on a day trip down to Washington D.C. to celebrate our four year anniversary. Just to give you some background, D.C. holds a special place in my heart because that is where Jon proposed! So we spent the day visiting places like Ford's Theatre, the Peterson House, the National Museum of Art, the Museum of Natural History and we even walked back up to the capitol to the exact spot where Jon popped the question. Since it was night when he proposed I wanted to go back and get some pictures taken.

A picture of us in front of the capitol building. Behind us you can see a reflecting pool and the Ulysses S. Grant Memorial. The platform overlooks the National mall. It was on that platform that Jon proposed.

Here are a few re-enactments.

After spending a whole day walking around D.C. (I have to say that I am quite proud of myself for braving the DC heat), Jon took me to the Old Ebbitt Grill, where we had an amazing meal and probably one of the best desserts I have ever tasted!

Now we are back to the grind working 3rd shift and feverishly preparing for the arrival of our little one. Not much longer and this family of two will become a family of three!!

An example of God's faithfulness

2010-06-29T07:07:00.003-04:00

This will probably seem like an incredibly small thing for most everyone reading this post but to me and my husband this is an example of God's provision. Let me quickly summarize why this is such a wonderful encouragement. Jon and I live in a small one bedroom apartment. We fully believed that we would be moved out and settled in a home with Jon working in some sort of ministry opportunity by now but that is just not how things have panned out. Since we live in a small apartment we have virtually nothing in place for this baby that will soon be making an appearance. We just have no room. Anyways, Jon's wonderful grandmother bought us a Pack'n Play which we will use as a crib until God moves us into a more permanent living situation. A small thing I know but for a close to 7 month pregnant woman it screams God's faithfulness. I know that as September draws near I will daily see even more reminders that our God is taking care of us even in the small things.

Isn't it pretty?!? Thanks Grandmother!!!

Getting Outside of Myself

2010-06-26T05:54:00.009-04:00

A dear friend of mine recently gave me a book called Prayers for the Faithful. This book guides Christians in specific ways to pray for their brothers and sisters who are serving the Lord overseas as missionaries. For those of you who know me well know that a book like this is right up my alley. The friend who gave me this book is preparing, along with her husband and young daughter, to serve Christ in Asia, most likely for the rest of their lives. I also have another friend of mine who will soon be serving alongside her husband in much the same way.

Over the years as I have read various missionary biographies the subject of prayer in the lives and ministries of these men and women is viewed with the utmost importance. The need for prayer when it comes to missions is imperative since the task they face is so enormous. Like any Christian longing to faithfully serve the Lord no matter where they have been called prayers are crucial to sustain their ministry and ultimately to bring glory to God through the spreading of the Gospel. The need is great, far greater than words can express.

The verse that I prayed over missionaries today is from Isaiah 11:5.

"Righteousness will be his belt and faithfulness the sash around his waist."

Along with praying scripture today's prayers were also focused on a specific area of the world, Afghanistan. One thing that struck me when reading about this particular country is that there is not an entire Bible translated into any of the official languages of Afghanistan. The New Testament is only available in two languages which leaves 45 of the spoken languages without any access to scripture. That is just one of numerous needs in that country. If you are interested in joining with me in prayer you can find more information on Operation World's website.

Praying Specifically for Afghanistan

Seeking Strength and Learning From Weakness

2010-06-20T06:54:00.002-04:00

I'm meditating on Numbers 11 and Psalm 91 today. My faith is so weak. God may my eyes be set on you with thankfulness and trust. What you have provided for today is enough.

"I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust."

- Psalm 91:2

Closed Doors

2010-06-13T04:00:00.000-04:00

A lot has happened since my last post. On Tuesday morning Jon and I arrived back in Louisville after a wonderful Florida vacation to see his family. Jon's youngest brother graduated high school and we had the privilege of being there to celebrate. The only down side we faced was the LONG drive from Louisville Kentucky to Ft. Lauderdale Florida. The drive was somewhere in the 16 hour range and we managed to drive it straight through the night.

Aside from some refreshing vacation time there has been quite a number of challenges on the job front. Over the past week and a half God has closed two very large doors that Jon and I had hoped would possibly lead us into the next step of this journey. One of the opportunities almost felt like a sure thing and after our only options were closed in front of us I started to feel desperate. Honestly deep down I felt that at least one of the jobs would be "the one" we had waited on, that ministry position God had been leading us to all of these months. After the second door abruptly closed I started to feel panic well up in me. What are we going to do? How in the world are we supposed to make our current situation work? This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Wednesday of this past week was my breaking point when all of my pent up emotions came rushing out and I felt utterly defeated. Thankfully God has so graciously surrounded us with a supportive church family, namely our community group.

So now what? Jon has looked into some new options concerning where he can send his resume and the job search continues. Right now we have absolutely nothing on the horizon, nothing. For those of you who read this I could definitely use prayer that I would continue to trust the Lord in the midst of this uncertain time. His attributes remain the same. He is my one constant and for that I am entirely thankful. Also pray that as a couple Jon and I would seek the Lord and his glory above all other things. We are exactly where the Lord wants us to be until he leads us elsewhere. I don't want to forget that. So for now we continue to wait.

Giving Thanks

2010-05-29T07:09:00.003-04:00

As I've been busy wrapping up lose ends before Jon and I head to Florida we continue to wait on God's timing as far as a job is concerned. Right now God has given me a lot of peace about our future which is a praise considering our crazy circumstance. Over the past few weeks I've been meditating on these couple of verses and they have served as a reminder of the goodness of God and what we as his people are to do as his followers. I could easily get wrapped up in trying to figure out our lives but the calling that these few verses ring out is a life focused on our Savior. A life like that is much more appealing to me than trying to control everything especially since almost nothing is in my control to begin with. So this is my prayer for the coming weeks and months no matter what may come our way.

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always."

- Psalm 105:1-4

Emmanuel- Isa Agape

2010-05-25T06:51:00.002-04:00

A dear friend of mine gave me a CD with this song on it and it has been on repeat in my car a lot lately. Hope this blesses you as much as it has me.

You are my portion God. I will hope in You!!

I believe, help my unbelief.

2010-05-15T05:20:00.019-04:00

I was looking over old posts and I came across one from May 9th of last year. In that post I anticipated that within a year I would be done with my current job and Jon and I would join in ministry together at a church. I just realized...it's now May 22nd. We have passed the one year mark and are still waiting. I honestly never imagined that this waiting period would be so trying for me. I'm sure the stress of preparing and providing for a baby is making things a little more intense; but I can easily say that this has been the most difficult learning period I have ever been through, which probably shows how easy my life has been. At this moment we don't know where we will be living in September, where Jon will have a job, and if I will have to continue working after the baby arrives. Hundreds of questions are constantly swirling around in my head. Everything, I mean every little thing is up in the air. This has been slightly terrifying for me and I have quickly realized that my faith is so small. Lately I have found myself praying the phrase, "I believe, help my unbelief."

In the midst of all this uncertainty there are some exciting opportunities that may be coming our way soon but those opportunities also mean that there will be decisions to be made, big ones. All I can think to do is ask for prayer. I know beyond any doubt that the God we serve is faithful. He always has been and always will be. So in this waiting period I'm praying and would like to ask those of you who read this to join with me in prayer as we wait expectantly for God's amazing provision. The biggest prayer we have right now is that the Lord would provide Jon a job specifically in some sort of ministry position. Everything else completely hinges on what happens with that. The rest, details and all, we leave up to the Lord. Even as I write this I'm excited for the day when I can share specifically how God has provided for all of our needs and I'm sure many of these answers will come in unexpected ways. September 8th is closing in and job or no job, one bedroom apartment and all this baby is coming and I'm so tempted to worry. So all that said, I'm humbly asking you to pray with me as we wait expectantly for God to show up in amazing ways. I'll keep you posted if any big developments happen but for now my plan is to seek the Lord, questions and all. God is good!!

I'm in love!!

2010-05-14T04:14:00.002-04:00

Jon and I went back to the doctor's office yesterday for my monthly appointment and another ultrasound. Thankfully this time around baby Groves decided to cooperate and we were able to get a few glimpses of our little one's face. Here are a few of my favorites!! In the two 3D shots you can see part of the umbilical cord in front of the neck and some across the top right side of the face. Once again the ultrasound tech said that everything looks great. I'm definitely head over heels in love!

About a week or so ago Jon and I decided to start a baby blog (separate from our own personal blogs). Since we have so many friends and family stretched all across the States we wanted one place they could all go to to receive updates on how the pregnancy is progressing. So for those of you who want more details on the pregnancy we will be posting most of that information on our new blog.

http://littlebabygroves.blogspot.com/

Coming Soon!!

2010-05-01T01:45:00.004-04:00

I'm so thrilled to announce that my mother-in-law has a book coming out in August!! If raising four boys isn't enough of a feat she has now put her years of experience, chock-full of stories, down on paper. Here is the first glimpse of the new book I'm Outnumbered! written by Laura Groves.

Feel free to check out her personal website and then head over here purchase your own copy of her upcoming book.

It's a...

2010-04-25T02:49:00.004-04:00

SURPRISE!! Yes, we have decided NOT to find out the sex of the baby which I think might be driving my mom crazy. Love you mom!! :-) Jon and I went to the doctor last week for my 20 week ultrasound. It's hard to believe that we are now halfway through the pregnancy. During our visit we spent about a half an hour just getting to see little glimpses of our peanut! It was truly amazing. The ultrasound tech took all kinds of measurements and everything looks great so far. The only problem we had is that our stubborn little baby refused to show us it's adorable face. When I go back to the doctors office in about three weeks we'll have another ultrasound to see if the baby decides to cooperate. So for now here are some pictures. Enjoy!!

This is a great side shot, especially of the spine.

Look at that little hand!

Another shot of the hand and an even better view of the arm.

The next two pictures are a 3D, which I LOVE!! Here is evidence of our stubborn baby refusing to smile for the camera. Ah well.

This picture I believe is my favorite! In the lower right hand side of the picture you see peanut's back and as you follow it up you can catch a glimpse of the rear end (SO CUTE!!). It almost looks like our baby is sitting on it's legs. If you look where the arrows are pointing you can see two little feet complete with toes!!

As you can see everything continues to go so well and for that I am thankful! A few weeks ago I started feeling some movement and now the jabs are becoming more defined. Jon as already been able to feel the baby move! We're loving the journey and are looking forward to holding this precious little baby in our arms.

Come, Lord Jesus

2010-04-19T05:42:00.005-04:00

The Last Judgment- Michelangelo

A little less than a year ago I felt a conviction in my heart. I had never read through the entire Bible. I am humbled to say that God has been so gracious and faithful to lead me through his entire Word and today I finished! The past year has been challenging as I have had to face the realization that I so easily value everything else above God and his Word. I learned a lot about myself and even more so about the God I serve. I am reminded that the Bible is the living, active, and powerful word of the Lord that convicts people of sin and declares the hope of a Savior. His Word is offensive to many, filled with passages even most Christians choose to ignore. Every word is inspired by our great Creator and as I read the final words of scripture my heart felt enlivened as I was so vividly told of Christ's return. Those final words are an encouraging exhortation to His church to live with the knowledge of His coming burning in our hearts. Are we living for His return? Do those around us see a difference? Are we sharing this hope with others? As I prepare to dive into the Word again for another year I have and will continue to be challenged and changed.

"He who testifies to these things says, 'Yes I am coming soon.'
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people.

Amen."

Living Vicariously Through Television

2010-04-18T06:55:00.006-04:00

I have a love for shows that focus on cultures from all over the world. I just find them fascinating and they serve as good reminders that the world we live in is much bigger than what we in North America realize.

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

He is a writer, chef and world traveler. This show features him crossing the globe to interact with cultures though their food. Despite being a chef, Anthony spends most of his time in well worn alleys rather than in 5 star restaurants. He believes that understanding a culture comes best from sitting down with the nationals and sharing a meal. I'll give you fare warning that his show is not for a faint of heart due to Anthony's sharp tongue. However this is honestly one of my favorite shows on television right now and if you are interested in seeing a culture from a culinary point of view I would highly recommend it.

http://www.travelchannel.com//TV_Shows/Anthony_Bourdain/Video/Tonys_Spicy_Thailand?fbid=1Kg7gjAcXgI

Bizarre Food

This show (also found on the Travel Channel) follows Andrew Zimmern as he visits various countries seeking out their most bizarre and often somewhat repulsive foods. I have a warning for this show as well; if you have a queasy stomach you may need to pass. Once again this show focuses on exploring cultures through their food.

http://www.travelchannel.com//TV_Shows/Bizarre_Foods/Video/Andrew_Heads_To_A_Samoan_Market

I have to admit that I'm a bit ashamed to say that I watch this last show. Now I completely acknowledge that it does not quite have the same cultural focus as the first two shows I mentioned but it is a bit addictive. I can't help but enjoy watching an affluent young American thrust into various cross-cultural situations.

The Price of Beauty

Jessica Simpson...yes THAT Jessica Simpson travels the world to discover what other cultures consider beautiful.

http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/500349/fat-is-beautiful.jhtml#id=1635401

Don't judge me! :-) Check them out for yourself and let me know what you think.

Confused...

2010-04-11T05:06:00.005-04:00

I've wanted to post something for quite some time but even now I struggle to put into words what has been going on in my heart. I'm restless...again. When I try and explain the way I feel most of the people I talk to look at me like I'm crazy, and maybe I am. Allow me to be vulnerable for a minute even though I know this probably sounds absurd.

Jon and I are waiting for the Lord's leading concerning a pastorate. We have had a few promising options but so far nothing has really panned out and so we continue to wait. During this waiting process I just feel an overwhelming sense of restlessness, like there is something I am supposed to be doing; just what that something is I am not entirely sure.

Part of this restlessness may be from watching some good friends of mine move closer and closer to dreams and callings they have pursued for a long time. Maybe this restlessness is due to the fact that my dream is part of theirs and my heart just aches because I can't experience what they get to see first hand. Perhaps the restlessness comes from the fear of the future knowing that sometime soon I will be packing up yet again and moving. Maybe it's that I want to be a part of something bigger than myself and I don't feel like I've been able to do that for a while. My heart isn't invested in anything worthwhile right now and it feels empty. I'm honestly a little lonely and confused concerning all of this. My wonderful husband has been such a huge support as I ask all kinds of questions and try to sort through a multitude of feelings. Unfortunately he can't answer these questions for me. So here I am waiting and praying to the Lord, "I'm listening. What do you want of me?"

Desiring a Mary heart in a Martha world

2010-04-02T06:23:00.003-04:00

This is my prayer today.

At Your Feet

Here at Your feet, I lay my past down
My wanderings, all my mistakes down
And I am free

Here at Your feet, I lay this day down
Not in my strength, but in Yours I’ve found
All I need, You’re all I need

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
Oh, to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
There is nowhere else for me
There is nowhere else for me

Here at Your feet, I lay my future down
All of my dreams, I give to You now
And I find peace, I find peace
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
For You my King, You’re all I want now
And my soul sings…

‘Cause I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet

And I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet

Here at Your feet
I lay my life down

Aunt Kristen

2010-03-31T09:50:00.007-04:00

Here are some long awaited pictures from my trip out to Arizona! I thoroughly enjoyed five days with my nephew, sister, brother-in-law and mom. I can't even explain how much I miss holding this little guy and how much this makes me yearn to cuddle our own peanut. Things are still looking great with our pregnancy and with my morning sickness letting up everything looks even better!! :-)

I love how stretched out Caleb is in this picture!!! He looks nice and relaxed.

The Robinson family!!!

OK GO

2010-03-22T07:01:00.005-04:00

Here is some ridiculousness to enjoy this lovely Monday morning. These two pretty amazing videos are by the band OK GO. I love that these guys don't take themselves too seriously!! Enjoy!

OK Go - Here It Goes Again from OK Go on Vimeo.

OK Go - A Million Ways from OK Go on Vimeo.

If you are interested in more there is a pretty great comparison video of a group of high school boys performing the treadmill video at their school.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6STO7TCFik

My nephew!!!

2010-03-14T06:45:00.003-04:00

Handsome little Caleb!!

A dad and his son!!

Caleb and his beautiful momma!!

Congratulations Heather and Michael!!!!!

A New Addition

2010-03-12T05:05:00.004-05:00

I waited anxiously all day until I heard the following words; Caleb Eugene Robinson, 7 pounds, 12 ounces, 20.5 inches long!!! I'm an aunt!!! How crazy is that?!? I hope to post some pictures soon but for now I am so thrilled just to pass along this news. I am blessed to be able to fly out to Arizona in a little over a week to see my nephew in person so without a doubt I will have more than enough pictures to share when I get back.

Meanwhile things have been going well with me. I feel awful that I never post anymore. I don't feel like I have much to share now a days or maybe it's just that I'm so incredibly distracted that I never get around to posting anymore. Jon and I are in a holding pattern while we wait for the Lord's direction concerning ministry but God has been so clear speaking through his word lately. He has been addressing fear and specific sins in my own life all in preparation for the next step in the journey. I'm still plugging away at my Bible reading plan. It's hard to put into words what this past year has been like as I have focused on reading through the entire Bible. I recently finished the Old Testament and am now into the Gospel of John. Aside from reading in the Word Jon and I are still working on a Bible study of Acts and I have another in-depth study I am tackling with some girlfriends. We are wading through the book of I Samuel together and it has been such a challenge. I'm lovin' it. There is just something to be said for being in the Word daily.

As far as pregnancy news goes I'm still battling morning sickness. In fact tonight at work has been pretty miserable but I'm hoping now that I have entered my 2nd trimester the sickness will start to dissipate. Here's to hoping!! Jon and I are heading out this morning to a sale at a local church hoping to pick up some things for our nursery. We spent a few hours yesterday researching and inspecting/playing with items at Baby's R Us (car seat, stroller etc). It's starting!! I have to admit that things still seem pretty surreal. I better get my head in the game, only 6 more months to go!!

Feeling Under the Weather

2010-02-14T04:52:00.010-05:00

I've been feeling a bit under the weather lately but I guess you could say it's for a good cause...

We're pregnant!!! Jon and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child on September 8th, 2010!!! We have kept this secret for what seems like forever and with the first trimester coming to a close soon we felt freedom to finally tell our friends and family. So like I said a few posts back, there are a lot of exciting things coming this year and we are beyond humbled as we wait to see what changes the next 6 months or so will bring. All in all things have been going well and with every bout of morning sickness or day marked with fatigue I am incredibly thankful. Things have picked up quite a bit so I'll make sure to keep this blog updated as the weeks and months pass but for now I just had to share our news!!

A Calendar and a Cause

2010-02-01T05:25:00.008-05:00

So it is February 1st and Jon and I finally got around to buying a 2010 calendar. Now why would I post about a calendar? Well, we are a bit picky when it comes to choosing what we hang on our wall. In the past we have bought calendars with beautiful photography of places we love, such as San Francisco. Last year our calendar had black and white pictures from the famous photographer Ansel Adams. We were a bit slow when we finally went out shopping a week or so ago and much to our dismay we found absolutely NOTHING. Now if you like puppies, Twilight, or outhouses then you'll find a plethora of calenders to pick from. Me? Well I think I'll pass. About a week or so ago a co-worker and friend of mine suggested a new idea.

Exodus Cry is a Christian organization devoted to ending modern day slavery through multiple ways including raising awareness on the issue of human trafficking. The 2010 calendar focuses on prayer for one city a month where the slave industry is flourishing. Although I don't agree 100% with the beliefs/ideas of the organization that began this outreach (just some doctrinal differences) I do believe the cause is just and must tremendously break the heart of our Father and what breaks his heart should break mine as well. So I want to challenge you along with me to take a look into the reality that so many women and children face all over the world today.

Are you moved to action? Are you moved to pray?

Outnumbered Mom

2010-01-22T03:58:00.008-05:00

I wanted to take a minute and introduce a new blog written by my mother-in-law Laura Groves. She has been diligently working on a book which focuses on her life as a mom of multiple boys, four to be exact. If all goes as planned her book will debut early this fall or even perhaps late summer. I'll keep you posted as the time draws closer but for now take a minute to check out her blog and subscribe to her newsletter. It has been such a blessing getting to know her better over the years especially since Laura and I are the lone girls of the Groves clan. Just seeing her juggle a large household along with her job or even enjoying a girls night watching Pride and Prejudice I have truly grown to admire her heart and passion to encourage other women in their calling as wives and mothers. Please take a minute to check out her site and pass it along to any friends and family you think might be interested.

A Study of Acts

2010-01-15T05:55:00.006-05:00

Recently Jon and I decided that we wanted to find a Bible study to work through together. During our days off this past week we took a trip to a local Christian bookstore and decided on a John MacArthur study on the book of Acts, which I could not be more excited about.

I cracked open the Bible study tonight hoping to work through a couple of pages when I was struck by the following quote found in the introduction to the first chapter.

Holy Spirit: The Holy Spirit is a divine agent who creates, sustains, and preserves spiritual life in those who place their trust in Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit is not merely an influence or an impersonal power emanating from God. He is a person, the third member of the Trinity, equal in every way to God the Father and God the Son. Among the many characteristics of personhood that the Holy Spirit manifests are: He functions with mind, emotion, and will; He loves the saints; He communicates with them, teaches, guides, comforts, and chastises them; He can be grieved, quenched, lied to, resisted, and blasphemed. Since Pentecost the Holy Spirit has indwelt all believers, illuminating their understanding and application of God's word. He fills them, seals them, communes with them, fellowships with them, intercedes for them, comforts them, admonishes them, sanctifies them, and enables them to resist sin and serve God."

Wow, and this was just in the introduction!! After reading that small summary on one very large aspect of the amazing God we serve I decided to call it a night on the Bible study and instead just let this simmer in my mind for a while. There will be more to come later but I felt compelled to share this little portion of my study in hopes that this would cause you to take a second to stand in awe of our God.

Waiting

2010-01-10T01:50:00.007-05:00

Now that the holidays are over the pace of life has slowed down tremendously. It almost feels like life has stopped or at least slowed to a crawl. I guess I should enjoy this while it lasts and maybe this is just God's cue for me to savor the moment. I've been in a pretty contemplative mood lately, especially with Jon completing school and us waiting for God's leading concerning the next phase of life. I think it is safe to say that I'm content. God has been doing a lot in my heart over the past couple of weeks and my life (especially lately) has just been peaceful. This resting in the Lord is beautiful. I should do it more often!!

I was looking for some sort of picture to post with this blog, something that kind of sums up life right now and I came across this:

Anyone who really knows me would know that I love the feel of something vintage. Anything that has a sense of history about it I find romantic and intriguing. This old door makes me want to peak inside to see what I'm missing. If the outside is this beautiful what must the inside hold? That is kind of what life feels like right now. I can't quite see what is on the other side of the door just yet but I want to take in every aspect of the beauty of the door itself, the color, the lines, and every minute detail. It just fills my heart with anticipation. So for now I'm recording small signs of God's grace, writing down answers to prayers, and joyfully thanking God for the journey no matter how slow it seems. We've got a lot of great things coming this year but for now...I wait expectantly.

""Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

- Isaiah 26:8

A Quick Update

2010-01-08T06:33:00.005-05:00

A picture of us after Jon's ordination.

I have been awful at posting lately. December was an incredibly hectic month capped off by a road trip down to Florida to visit Jon's family. Now that I am back into my regular routine I hope to start posting with more regularity. A few days ago my husband posted an update from our lives over the month of December so feel free to check it out. Hopefully that will tide you over until I get back into the swing of things.

http://thegrovesblog.blogspot.com/

I would post more but I have kiddos getting up soon for school and I need to spend a bit of time reading to prepare for the day.

Psalm 47
Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.
How awesome is the LORD Most High, the great King over all the earth!
He subdued nations under us, peoples under our feet.
He chose our inheritance for us, the pride of Jacob, whom he loved. Selah
God has ascended amid shouts of joy, the LORD amid the sounding of trumpets.
Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing praises.
For God is the King of all the earth; sing to him a psalm of praise.
God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne.
The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the God of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted.

December 11th, 2009

2009-12-08T02:10:00.005-05:00

This week is an incredibly full week for us. I worked a five day work week as opposed to my "normal" four day schedule. Wednesday is the Behold the Lamb concert here in Louisville (woohoo!!). Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday will be filled with cleaning, grocery shopping, Christmas shopping and other preparations due to our families heading into town. Why are our families heading into town you ask? Well at the end of this week Jon and I are celebrating one of the biggest milestones of our married life so far. Jon will graduate with his M. Div from Southern Seminary this Friday December 11th!! Jon has been in seminary since the fall of 2005 and after four years of hard work and God given grace he is done!! Some of his course load over the years included Greek and Hebrew syntax and exegesis, systematic theology, personal spiritual disciplines, Christian ethics, personal evangelism, and church history. I'm so proud of him!

Jon and I were talking the other day about where we are spiritually as we prepare for the next step into full time ministry. We both agreed that in the past 6 months to a year God has grown us immensely. It may not be evidently clear to anyone else but reflecting on each other's walk with the Lord we are humbled by the grace of God. We have grown in honesty as we have learned to lovingly correct and direct one another to the cross when sin rears its head. We have individually seen our walks with the Lord deepen and mature and although we are not even remotely close to understanding, following and loving our Savior with the depth of passion we should Jon and I are hungry for more of God.

It has been a good year and I can think of no better way to wrap it up than by celebrating God's grace in bringing us through this phase of life and by celebrating the birth of our Savior and the implications his life, death, and resurrection have on how we daily live our lives. It's going to be a good week filled with celebration and thanksgiving. I hope to post some pictures from our trip to Pennsylvania soon but for now there is too much to do and not enough time to do it in.

Christmas, From Genesis On

2009-12-04T05:56:00.005-05:00

Jon and I are attending the Andrew Peterson Behold The Lamb Christmas Concert next Wednesday. This will be the second year in a row we have been blessed to listen to such superb musicians as well as the beautiful story told though the lyrics of each song. Behold The Lamb tells the redemptive heart of our God from Genesis to the coming of the Messiah, Jesus Christ. It is unlike any Christmas album I have ever heard and well worth your time. This album alone would suffice for my Christmas music collection and if you know me at all...that says a lot!

http://andrew-peterson.com/players/btlog/beholdthelamb.html

Outta here!!

2009-11-23T04:39:00.002-05:00

I'm preparing to leave and see...

MY FAMILY!!

Woohoo! There will be a nice long post including pictures when I return. Bye for now.

The International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church

2009-11-08T04:40:00.004-05:00

Edward Knippers- John Comforted In Prison

"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

- Matthew 5:10-16

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(In explaining his imprisonment, the Apostle) Paul subtly notifies his readers that proclaiming the mystery of Christ crucified is more likely to open the door to a prison cell for them instead of the door to financial and social success.
- David Garland

Being misrepresented, slandered, reviled, persecuted, and wrongfully accused is an inevitable part of being a Christian. We must expect to suffer unjustly. Our lives confront the culture we live in. We live as aliens in the world, and it should not surprise us when the world is hostile toward us (1 John 3:13). We were called for that purpose. In this world we will have tribulation (John 16:33). It goes with the territory.
- John MacArthur

Remember Our Brothers and Sisters...

2009-11-07T01:04:00.005-05:00

This Sunday, November 8th, is the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. Take some time to read about and to pray for our brothers and sisters around the world who suffer in the name of Christ. Their pain is our pain...

"Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body." - Hebrews 13:3

Valleys Fill First

2009-11-01T02:31:00.007-05:00

Well I finally decided to end my blogging drought. I wish I could tell you that a lot has happened since my last substantial post but honestly there isn’t much new to relay except for the rather mundane details of life. Last week was a rough one due to the fact that my hubby came down with what we suspect was H1N1 better known as the swine flu. He was out of commission for a good 5-6 days. Bookending his touch of the swine were two Sundays when he preached at our home church from college. During that time we also had my sister Samantha in town for her fall break. It was a huge blessing to see and hang out with her!! All in all it was a busy two weeks for both of us. Thankfully Jon is back to normal except for a persistent cough. Ah well.

As far as I’m concerned I’m hanging in there. It has been a rough couple of weeks and I guess the best way to describe the way I’ve been feeling is just plain sad. Thankfully I haven’t suffered any catastrophic loss but nonetheless I feel pretty broken. Ever feel like difficulties come in droves? Maybe that just comes from the mindset we get in when things get tough but I'm telling you right now that I am overwhelmed. The only answer I have for the small valley I've been walking through lately is the painful process of refinement which I honestly would rather do without. Enduring any kind of brokenness is not something most of us do well. It's a humbling place to be. So I’ve been praying a lot lately, praying for wisdom, joy, encouragement and trying to spend a lot of time just thanking God for the many blessings I have been given. I don’t know about any of you but thankfulness does not come naturally to me. So little by little I’m learning, growing and seeking the Lord. I’m interested to see what He is preparing me for throughout all of this because it has been a taxing time. Funny enough I am preparing to read Job as part of my Bible reading plan. I’m sure that is no coincidence.

Aside from the difficulties I’ve been dealing with lately it’s still very easy to say that Jon and I are incredibly blessed. He has begun the process of sending out resumes and praying through God’s specific call on our lives in the upcoming months. It’s exciting, stressful and crazy to realize that…this is it!! Who knows what the next step will be. One other important blessing to tell you all about is that I found out I’m going to have a nephew!!! Woohoo! We’ll get to see Heather and Michael for Thanksgiving so I’ll finally have a chance to see her baby bump and congratulate them in person. God is good.

So how is that for an end to my blogging drought?!? Here is a suitable song to close out my post. This is where I am.

It's 3:00am and...

2009-10-24T03:17:00.003-04:00

I can't stop laughing.

One last random clip. Anyone ever wish they lived in a musical?!? No??? Okay, that must just be me. I'm a huge dork I know but this seriously makes me smile.

Mr. and Mrs. Hilton!!

2009-10-06T21:18:00.005-04:00

I had the privilege of being in the wedding of my dear friend Ashley and her husband Cliff. I met Ashley a few years ago at my current job and I could never have imagined that I would forge such a wonderful friendship and bond with Ashley, my sister in Christ. It was an honor to witness such a beautiful wedding founded on God. Here are a few snapshots from the wedding.

The father of the bride

A quiet moment for the newlyweds

Me and Ashley
Three years and still going strong!! ;-)
Another awesome friend I met through my job. Me and Jenn.
Mr. and Mrs. Hilton!!

Lots To Do

2009-09-27T02:10:00.000-04:00

Life has picked up quite a bit and I'm pretty sure it will remain this way indefinitely. Last weekend I was able to be involved in a bachelorette party for a dear friend of mine who is getting married the first Sunday in October.

The Bride and Groom- Ashley and Cliff

The girls spent the day at the Newport Aquarium and then out to dinner at a small Italian eatery, Pompilios. The last minute details of the wedding remain to be completed and I'm guessing it will remain that way until Monday October 5th. So, things are hectic, but in a very good way! :-) I hope to share some pictures of their wedding day next week. I couldn't be more thrilled to be a part of it.

The rest of October is pretty calm on my end but Jon gets to preach twice at our home church from college days so that is exciting but one more thing to add to our already crazy schedules. Don't even ask me how we will manage to work Saturday night, drive down to Wilmore, and stay awake long enough for Jon to preach coherently, and then drive back home and sleep before working again that night. It will be interesting to say the least but super exciting as Jon begins to prepare more for ministry.

By the time October rolls to a close (maybe more like the beginning of November) I'll get to find out if I will be an aunt to a niece or a nephew!!! If I were to completely guess I would say Heather and Michael are having a boy but...we'll just have to wait and see. Before I know it the holidays will be here. I can HARDLY wait!! 60 some days till Thanksgiving and until my whole family is finally together again for the holidays. It has been way too long and is much overdue.

I think that about sums up life right now. I'm continuing my reading with Let the Nations Be Glad, a wonderful book I would highly recommend by John Piper on the supremacy of God in missions. I'm only on page 34 and my mind is already spinning! I'm sure at some point in the near future I will post about that book but for now I'm letting it simmer a bit. Well a hectic week lies ahead and I'll have a lot to update on again soon so this is all for now.

My Thoughts Are Elsewhere Today

2009-09-15T07:04:00.002-04:00

"God is pursuing with omnipotent passion a worldwide purpose of gathering joyful worshipers for Himself from every tribe and tongue and people and nation. He has an inexhaustible enthusiasm for the supremacy of His name among the nations. Therefore, let us bring our affections into line with His, and, for the sake of His name, let us renounce the quest for worldly comforts and join His global purpose."

-- John Piper

A Dog's Life

2009-09-10T10:41:00.008-04:00

Those two pictures basically sum up the life our of puppy. However when she is not busy sleeping, she does this...

He Sets the Lonely in Families

2009-09-06T06:58:00.004-04:00

- 40% of India's population is below the age of 18 years which at 400 million is the world's largest child population.
- Less than half of India's children between the age 6 and 14 go to school.
- A little over one-third of all children who enroll in grade one reach grade eight.
- 95 in every 1000 children born in India, do not see their fifth birthday.
- 70 in every 1000 children born in India, do not see their first birthday.
- 23% of India's children are underweight at birth.
- 58% of India's children below the age of 2 years are not fully vaccinated. And 24% of these children do not receive any form of vaccination.
- More that 50% of India's children are malnourished.

In addition to the deaths of infants and children due to malnourishment and disease, innumerable and unrecorded numbers of girl children are killed within hours of being born while many others are killed in the womb itself. Patriarchal norms, low status of women and preference for male children are the primary reasons that threaten survival of female children in India. The alarming fact is that female infanticide or foetuses has increased over the past few decades. While in 1960 there were 976 girls born for every 1000 boys, in 2001, there are only 927 girls for every 1000 boys.

- 1 out of every 6 girls does not live to see her 15th birthday.
- Of the 12 million girls born in India, 1 million do not see their first birthday.
- Every sixth girl child's death is due to gender discrimination.
- 1 out of 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 4.
- Female mortality exceeds male mortality in 224 out of 402 districts in India.
- Death rate among girls below the age of 4 years is higher than that of boys. Even if she escapes infanticide or foeticide, a girl child is less likely to receive immunisation, nutrition or medical treatment compared to a male child.
- 53% of girls in the age group of 5 to 9 years are illiterate.

http://america.cry.org/site/know_us/cry_america_and_child_rights/statistics_underprivileged_chi.html

“Defend the cause of the weak and the fatherless; Maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Deliver the weak and needy from the hand of the wicked.” Ps 82:3-4

My heart remains burdened.

Nothing Profound

2009-09-05T00:17:00.018-04:00

Pardon me for my lack of posting but there hasn't been much to report. Life has continued on without much news however I do feel the pace beginning to quicken. I have a bridal shower/bachelorette party to go to in a few weeks, next month I am in the wedding of a very dear friend (Ashley, I couldn't be more excited for you and Cliff!!!), the month after that I'm going to another wedding (It's almost here Sarah!) and then the holidays come barreling down. Geez, it is already September. I wonder if I should start my Christmas shopping now? Don't tempt me.

Jon's classes are going well and he is staying busy with his applied ministry work. Along with all of that Jon is also preparing his resume and before we know it we will begin the process of seeking the Lord's will for the next phase of our lives. It's thrilling to say the least. As I look to all of the changes ahead I am trying desperately to stay focused on growing and preparing for what is to come rather than get frustrated over what can easily feel like waiting.

During the past 6 months or so reading has become a new love for me. I have never been one to read much fiction, not that I don't enjoy a good story but mainly because factual accounts can be just as fascinating. So along those lines I have read numerous missionary biographies and felt that I have grown ten fold just by gleaning wisdom from such wonderful men and women of God. Recently I began reading Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God by Noel Piper. Each chapter focuses on the life of one women of faith (Sarah Edwards, Lilais Trotter, Esther Ahn Kim, Helen Roseveare). The current chapter I am on tells the story of Gladys Aylward, a missionary to China. Reading about these accounts have been more than encouraging to my faith and in a way I have felt a close kinship with these women (along with the likes of Elisabeth Elliot and Amy Charmichael). Despite the fact that many of them have long since departed this earth I am grateful for their wisdom and oddly enough can say that they have been a kind of mentor to me over the past months. Watching them sit at the feet of their Savior and live lives devoted to him whether by staying at home with their children or leaving all familiarity behind to travel to some far away country their stories point to the greatness of the God they serve. Like I said earlier, I am encouraged.

Coupled with my reading of numerous biographies I have continued reading through the Bible. I can't remember if I mentioned this earlier but I felt conviction a few months ago for never having read through the whole Bible so I found a Bible reading plan and by the grace of God I've been able to stick to it. There have been days I have struggled, seeing the plan more as a box to check off rather than time with God, but overall it has been a wonderful challenge. God is good.

Well I'm sure I could write more but I guess I'll wrap this up on a bit of a tangent. This morning when we were walking Paisley I about lost it when she obliviously walked directly into a tree. It was probably one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. To her credit there was a very intriguing little girl riding around in a pink jeep power wheel. I think Paisley was more than a bit distracted. Jon and I were deep in conversation and didn't even see Paisley heading straight for the tree until it was too late. Thankfully, she is fine.

More to come....hopefully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When ours are interrupted, his are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable) "toward the goal of true maturity" (Rom 12:2). Elisabeth Elliot

More Rambling Thoughts

2009-08-25T02:19:00.012-04:00

I've found a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head lately, not that that is new. I wouldn't consider myself a very outgoing person but I almost always have a lot going on in my head and if you inquired I'm sure I would give you an ear full. For instance the other day after church I completely unloaded all of my pent up thoughts on my husband and I think he was a bit taken aback. Here is a brief snippet of my rambling...

I spent Thursday last week getting my sister Samantha settled at her new school. During our time there we had the chance to sit through a service in Hughes Chapel.

That place has so many memories for me but it also has an awesome sense of history. Numerous revivals have taken place in that very room...there is a sense of reverence and awe just sitting in the chapel. Now I love our church but we currently meet in a school cafeteria/auditorium. Yeah, not quite the solemn setting of Hughes. On Sunday, my heart longed to be reminded of the power and holiness of God. There is something to be said for walking into church with the realization that you are gathering with other believers to worship God, the God who spoke the world into being. Sometimes I believe we come to church more for the social aspect than for a desire to spend time with the Lord. Now I'm not saying that you need a building such as Hughes to experience the presence of God but it certainly can put you in a place of expectation.

I also spent time contemplating some of the words that were sung during church on Sunday.

"Take my body and build it up

May it be broken as an offering of love

For I have nothing

I have nothing without You"

Do we really understand what that means? Are we willing to be broken for the cause of Christ or are those just words? I believe it was A.W. Tozer who is quoted as saying, "Christians don't tell lies, they just go to church and sing them." Ouch. As I was listening to the music I couldn't help but think of the lives of men like Jim Elliott who died to bring the Gospel to those who had never even heard the name of Jesus. How am I even worthy to sing about laying down my life for the cause of Christ? Listening to that particular song being led on Sunday I didn't sing along, I just couldn't.

As I poured out my thoughts to Jon we also talked about a sermon I listened to the other day preached by Leonard Ravenhill. In the sermon he talked about seeing the true nature of a pastor's relationship with the Lord not by his preaching but by his prayers. The way a person talks with the Lord can quickly tell you a lot about their relationship with Him. What does my prayer life say about me?

So yeah, there is not a nice bow to tie up all these rambling thoughts but I figured I would share some of what has been rolling around in my head since Sunday. One more thing, I just finished up the book Five Who Changed the World by Daniel Akin and would highly recommend it. The book is a quick read but super convicting. That's all for now. I'll work on posting with more regularity in the coming weeks, we'll see how that goes.

I'm still here

2009-08-14T03:27:00.005-04:00

I feel like such a slacker for not posting anything but I honestly have nothing new going on in my life nor do I have any profound insight to offer thus the reason for my lack of posting. Sorry but I am at a total loss. The week ahead of me is a bit busy but for a very exciting reason. My younger sister Samantha will be in town Tuesday and Wednesday and on Thursday I am taking her down to Wilmore, KY to get all settled into her new school. I couldn't be more thrilled that my sister is heading to my alma mater Asbury College. It's the best EVER!! Okay, well the Vessel Class was the best ever but I'm sure Asbury is still top notch. ;-) No seriously, my time at Asbury was probably one of the biggest opportunities of growth I've had in my Christian walk and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm praying that Sam will be encouraged and challenged in much the same way.

Anyways, it will be a lot of fun to show her around and help her get situated. Sorry for the lack of adventure in my own life at this present time but I'm sure things will begin to pick up some momentum in the months to come so if you're interested you may want to stay tuned but for now this is just about all I have to offer.

I'm gonna be an aunt!!!!

2009-08-05T21:56:00.003-04:00

I am thrilled to announce that come March 19th I will be Aunt Kristen!! Congratulations Heather and Michael!! We can't wait to meet adorable baby Rolo!! We love you guys!!!! Yes, all of the exclamation marks are necessary.

The Weight of the Future

2009-07-26T03:09:00.017-04:00

Jon and I will be leaving soon to head on up to Indianapolis. It will be a nice week to relax and spend time with Jon's family. I've been looking forward to this trip ever since returning from our last vacation. If only we could live life vacationing, how awesome would that be?!? Anyways...

I continue to be challenged lately in my walk with the Lord. Through reading scripture and listening to some sermons I've felt convicted to spend more time in the Word and in prayer but there are other things driving me as well. As I think ahead to joining with my husband in ministry and starting a family the burden weighs even heavier. How can I possibly take on such responsibility if I'm not grounded firmly in Christ? I can't do anything without him! The eternal weight of such things should indeed drive me to Christ. As I think of coming alongside my husband as he, under the authority of Christ, leads a church I can't help but think of all those who will be following Jon's leadership. Being in such a position we willingly take on the responsibility to live a life that points to God. People will be watching and one day we will have to account for our actions. As I think of being a godly mother my heart skips a beat but it also realizes that such a life consists of loving correction, discipline and encouragement, all wrapped up in the desire to bring and grow our children up in the Lord. I can't even begin to imagine what that will entail. As I think on all of these things I know I must rely on the Lord.

In another slightly related topic I have felt even more conviction stemming from the fact that I find myself so easily enjoying way too much time in front of the television set when the hunger and desire of my heart should be for the Lord. I read recently in the Hudson Taylor book that he would spend up to 13 hours a day revising a copy of the New Testament in Chinese. 13 hours!!! Have I ever spent this kind of time devoted to the work of God? This conviction has just been settling in and I'm not sure what it means as far as lifestyle changes but I'm sure something will have to give.

The older I get and the more I grow in Christ the stronger I feel the tension between living in the world but not of the world. I wonder what that kind of life should look like as a believer here in North America. What does it mean to forsake the world for the cause of Christ? I'm guessing it will mean more time in scripture and in prayer with less distractions such as television and movies. It will mean less time wrapped up in myself and more time investing in the lives of others with the desire to see them realize the depths of their sin and the amazing sacrifice of the perfect Lamb of God. The list could go on.

I couldn't be more excited about the next phase of life but right now I'm reeling with the weight of the future. Things will not suddenly change when Jon finishes seminary. We won't magically become more prayerful and faith-filled, that should be our reality right now.

The Lost Art of Being Still

2009-07-24T06:10:00.004-04:00

"Why are you so downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God."

Psalm 42:11

I am exhausted. My night at work has been a battle and I have felt overcome with discouragement. God has been teaching me so much during these past couple of years I have worked 3rd shift but there are nights, like tonight that I feel stretched to my limit. The emotions that come with being deprived of sleep, and hours spent alone can be unbearable. Sadly enough earlier tonight I was thinking about how well I've learned to be still working nights. There have been many a night when I would joyfully sit in silence before the Lord. It's funny how we think we have mastered something but are quickly humbled with the realization that we are not as put together as we once thought. Oh well. I know when I do move on from this job I will miss the hours I had to reflect and grow. The hours after finishing my tasks that I had to sit and read, journal, pray etc. I know I will miss this...but that is not at all what I feel like right now.

"Be still, and know that I am God."- Psalm 46:10

July 22, 2006

2009-07-22T08:12:00.004-04:00

Happy Three Year Anniversary Baby!! These past couple of years have flown by and the year we have coming up is going to be filled with even more excitement. I'm so blessed to have you by my side. I love you Jonathan!!

Tennessee Vacation

2009-07-19T20:13:00.008-04:00

Don't you just hate how quickly vacations end? I sure do. This past week Jon and I spent four days down in Pigeon Forge TN with my parents and two youngest sisters. It was a lovely visit but as you can see we were all sad...

A few special someones were missing.

Let me introduce you to the missing pieces. Heather (the second in the birth order of Locke girls) and her husband Michael live WAY OUT in Arizona which makes a trek out to the eastern side of Tennessee a bit difficult. They were missed!!!

One of the best things about family vacations is being around people who know you and for some reason still love you despite all of your quirks. We had fun being ridiculous. That's just what happens when you reunite sisters. See what I mean? Jon for once is trying to ignore the ridiculousness. Haha, I can't even remember what was happening here but whatever it was, I love it!!

Our first night in town we ate at the Dixie Stampede. I wasn't really sure what to expect but they put on a pretty spectacular show complete with trick riding, roaming longhorns and plenty of laughs.

Here are my lovely parents getting ready to enjoy the show.
The two youngest Locke sisters along with me and my hubby, Aren't we cute!
It's 1:30am and I'm wiped so here is a condensed version of the rest of our stay.

- Splash Country

- Dollywood

- old time photos

- getting serenaded by one of the Gem Tones

- spending time with our dear friends Nikki, Steve and Jude

Our four days in Tennessee flew by and now I'm here back at work running on little sleep but that doesn't matter. Why you ask? Well we have a good week coming up especially because Jon and I will be celebrating our anniversary!! And at the beginning of next week we have yet another short vacation up to Indiana. Life is good.

What do you pray for?

2009-07-12T02:13:00.011-04:00

Weep for the Wiping of Grace- Carol Bomer
On Wednesday during our small group we spent our time discussing more in depth the topic of Sunday's sermon which I blogged about a few days ago, the topic of prayer. At the end of our discussion time we asked our friends what in their own lives they are compelled to pray for. What sort of passions and convictions has God placed on their hearts individually that brings them to their knees before the Lord? It was humbling to hear our friends speak with such conviction about the burdens that weigh heavily on their hearts. A few of the requests that were mentioned included: abortion, lost friends and family, the church and the nations. It was beautiful to see the diversity of convictions. I was reminded why we are the Body of Christ, each with our own convictions and passions. Those passions each serve to bring glory to God.

What am I convicted to pray for? My heart yearns for people to come to know Christ. It is heartbreaking to think that millions of people will close their eyes in death without ever hearing the name of Christ or ever accepting his sacrifice. Apart from my heart for the lost I am also burdened for the church both here and abroad. The thought of what my brothers and sisters in closed countries must endure for their faith is humbling and the church here really has no idea. It is easy to be comfortable and lukewarm here in America...but that is not what the church is called to. My heart is also heavy with a passion for the people of India. These are just a few topics that burden me.

So, I'm curious, what about you? What drives you to pray? What convictions burn in your heart so strongly that you must cry out to the Lord?

Warrior- Over the Grave

2009-07-11T20:23:00.004-04:00

The Last Judgement Christ the Judge- Michelangelo
I struggled to find any artwork referring to Christ as judge or warrior. Often times he is depicted as an infant, or on a cross but there is not much emphasis on the risen Christ and on his power. There are some beautiful works of art depicting the suffering of Jesus but I find that the truth at least from my own perspective is often lost in those pictures. I can in no way put down any of those amazing works of art because I myself have been moved to praise and thanksgiving because of them. However another feeling I have sensed is a feeling of pity as I stared at pictures of the beaten and crucified Christ. We so easily forget that His horrendous death on the cross actually meant victory! I know it may sound trite but this particular song has resonated with me, reminding me of the God that we serve, one of might and of power. A warrior!!

Sojourn Community Church
01 Warrior.mp3

Only Your Blood is Enough

2009-07-08T12:17:00.004-04:00

I've been reading through the book of Leviticus, which can be more than a little daunting as I read chapter after chapter concerning the blood atonement required for the Israelite community. My husband suggested I read Hebrews along with Leviticus because of the parallels to Jesus as high priest and his atoning sacrifice made on the cross. It has been a blessing.

A song I heard recently went along with this theme beautifully and I thought I would share it in hopes that others might find the same encouragement. The "mother" church that our current church plant came from just produced a new CD filled with songs based on the words of classic Issac Watts hymns. The end result is a new take on some solid bible based lyrics. My husband who has never been a big fan of "worship" CDs has really enjoyed the music and now I'm hooked too. So here's a song that has been rolling around in my head since I first heard it and my plug for the album Over the Grave from Sojourn Community church. If you are interested in possibly buying the CD yourself feel free to check out their website: http://sojournchurch.com/

04 Only Your Blood Is Enough.mp3

Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret

2009-07-06T02:36:00.012-04:00

An excerpt from the book Husdon Taylor's Spiritual Secret:

Hudson addresses an assembly of ministers at the Perth Conference in Scotland.

"He began his address by transporting his audience half-way around the world, vividly recounting a true story of a journey he made in October, 1856, from Shanghai to Ning-po aboard a Chinese junk.

Among his fellows passangers had been a Chinese man who was educated in England and went by the name of Peter. As Hudson talked with him he learned that while the man knew the teachings of Christianity, he had never made a personal commitment to Christ. As Hudson and Peter began developing a friendship on this journey, Hudson had opportunities to talk to the man about his spiritual needs.

As the junk approached the city of Sung-kiang-Fu, Hudson was in his cabin, preparing to go ashore to preach and distribute tracts when he heard a splash and then a cry of alarm that a man had fallen overboard. Rushing onto the deck, Hudson didn't see his new friend Peter. Was he the missing man?

"Yes," the boatman told Hudson, showing no concern. "He went down over there."

After convincing the reluctant captain to drop his sails. Hudson jumped over the side and began swimming back to the spot where Peter had disappeared. But the tide was running out, and the low shrubless shore provided no good landmark. His search seemed hopeless. Just then Hudson spotted some nearby fishermen with a dragnet - just what he needed.

"Come," he cried out in Chinese. "Come and drag over here. A man is drowning!"

"Veh bin," the fishermen replied, "It is not convenient."

"Come quickly or it will be too late," Hudson pleaded.

"We are busy fishing."

"Never mind your fishing. Come at once and I will pay you well."

"How much will you give us?" the fishermen wanted to know.

"Five dollars. But hurry."

"Too little!" they called back. "We won't come for less than thirty."

Hudson told them, "I don't have that much with me. But I'll give you all I have."

"How much is that?" they asked.

"I don't know. About fourteen dollars."

They finally brought their net over. The first time they passed it through the water they dragged up the missing man. But all Hudson's efforts to revive Peter failed. It was too late. The fisherman's indifference had cost him his life.

At the conclusion of that story a murmur of indignation swept over the crowd listening to Hudson. How could anyone be so callous and selfish?

That was the moment Hudson drove home his point:
'Is the body then, of so much more value than the soul? We condemn those heathen fishermen. We say they were guilty of the man's death - because they easily could have saved him, and did not do it. But what of the millions whom we leave to perish, and that eternally? What of the plain command, 'Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature'?..."

...the Lord commands us, commands us each one individually - 'Go,' He says, 'God into all the world and preach the Gospel to eveyr creature.' Will you say to him, 'It is not convenient'? Will you tell him you are busy fishing - having bought a piece of land, purchased five yoke of oxen, married a wife, or for other reasons cannot obey? Will he accept such excuses? Have you forgotten that 'we must all stand before the judgement seat of Christ,' that every one may receive the things done in the body. Oh, remember, pray for, labour for the unevangelised millions of China or you will sin against your own soul!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Quite convicting! Even if we do not feel called to go to the far corners of the world we still have a responsibility in some way to aid in the spreading of the Gospel, whether through support, prayer etc. Are we compelled? For those of us who stay behind, are we seeking out opportunities in our own backyards to share the good news of Christ? Are we supporting those who are going? God, stir our hearts!

Growing Pains

2009-07-06T01:58:00.011-04:00

I've noticed a lot of friends posting about their 4th of July festivities so I'm feeling a little left out since Jon and I spent our 4th of July asleep because we worked the night before and the night of. I just realized that I haven't had a 4th of July or a New Years Eve off since I started working at Maryhurst. Ugh.

Anyway, things are going really well with me. There have been a lot of big changes going on in the lives of people around me: pregnancies, new jobs, new houses etc. Although it has been easy to feel discontent, today especially the Lord has given my heart a feeling of joy. After finishing up the book Tortured for Christ I was convicted on how easily I lose my joy when my brothers and sisters in Christ are overflowing with joy in the midst of horrendous persecution. As that conviction settled I was questioning why my joy is so often fleeting (I believe I blogged about this a while ago). It's easy for someone to say, "You just need to focus on God. You need to have an eternal perspective." But I was struggling and still do struggle with the idea of living that out. As I tried to figure this out it hit me...why not pray for this? I'm pretty sure that God has showed me this little tidbit of truth before but I'm forgetful. Praise God for his patience with us! So as of right now I'm learning once again how to pray daily for that joy and peace that can only be found when living your life in Christ.

As I was working through those questions our pastor preached a wonderful sermon on prayer this morning and it left me feeling convicted yet incredibly encouraged. It's funny how God orchestrates the timing of what he desires to teach us.

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison - that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak."
- Colossians 4:2-4

Here are a few points and poignant questions that stuck with me:
- "Continue steadfastly in prayer" - to be consistently, persistently devoted to prayer

Could this be said of my current practice of prayer?

- Adjust your perspective (I Thess. 5:18) Prayer is not limited to the folding of hands and closing of eyes.

- Start where you are. Jesus will work with what you have.

- Is it my habit to pray for opportunities for the Gospel to go out through me?

Good stuff huh?!? Today as the sermon ended I wrote down a few things that by God's grace I desire to grow in:
- more time devoted to prayer (learned how to be in constant prayer)
- unwavering joy
- conviction and courage to share the Gospel
- growth in faith

It has been too long

2009-07-03T02:43:00.000-04:00

Well here I am finally posting about our fabulous trip to San Francisco. This city will always hold a special place in my heart and every time I go back I wish we lived closer. It is such a fascinating city from the beauty of the bay to the eclectic shops and hole in the wall eateries. There is a never ending list of places to explore. This time on our trip to the Bay we set out to see "real" San Francisco. A few years ago on our honeymoon trip we spent a lot of time visiting the well known tourist stops such as Alcatraz and Fisherman's Wharf but this time around we planned ahead seeking out places to eat that tourists would never know about. The researching was well worth the time because despite the fact that we were only in the city for two days I can definitely say that we used the time to the fullest and walked away with a ton of great memories. Here are a few of the highlights.

One of the first places we visited on this trip was the Palace of the Legion of Honor, a stunning art museum filled with exquisite paintings by the likes of Monet and Degas. The Legion of Honor was also a featured place in the Alfred Hitchcock movie "Vertigo."

The architecture was beautiful!!

The Thinker- Auguste Rodin

On our quest to explore new places we found this little gem. Jon and I had never eaten at an Indian restaurant before so this was a stretch especially for Jon (for those of you who know him well, this may be a bit of a shock ;-) The second picture is of a little cafe we found down the street from our hotel that served up some yummy waffles.

The weather during our stay in California was beautiful allowing us to visit the Golden Gate Park for a second time. On this trip we spent part of an afternoon exploring the San Francisco Botanical Garden. Here is my hubby hamming it up for the camera.

Full House anyone?

To close out our first evening Jon and I drove across the bay to have dinner with my Grandmother. Since she lives all the way out in California our visits with her are sadly few and far between.

Grace Cathedral

My husband is great at working out details and solving problems. So I wasn't surprised when he got us an unbelievable rate on a wonderful room at a hotel by the Wharf. However when I saw the view from our window I couldn't believe it. We could see Coit Tower from our bed! It was beautiful.

Here is a close up view of Coit Tower.

On our last afternoon in the city we walked around the streets just taking in the culture of this city and the beautiful views. Here is a shot of a street just a few blocks away from our hotel. Can you see why I love this city so much?!?

Despite the fact that we had already been to Fisherman's Wharf a number of times we couldn't help but go back and take in the sights and sounds one last time. We ate at Boudin Sourdough Bakery and Cafe (you can't get any better sourdough bread!), watched the sea lions basking in the sun and heard the interesting stylings of the local street performers. A little ways up the bay is the famous Ghirardelli Square where Jon and I enjoyed delicious ice cream.

It was a wonderful trip that ended too quickly. Looking over these pictures just makes me more anxious to go back there than ever but we'll just have to wait and see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I left my heart in San Francisco

High on a hill, it calls to me.

To be where little cable cars

Climb halfway to the stars!

The morning fog may chill the air

I don't care!

My love waits there in San Francisco

The Underground Church

2009-06-28T04:31:00.010-04:00

During my shift last night I was able to finish reading the book Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand (recounting a story undying faith in the midst of intense persecution). Mr. Wurmbrand founded an organization called Voice of the Martyrs in 1967 to raise awareness and support for the persecuted church. This book is filled with the true beauty of the body of Christ, which even now is suffering from hardships that those of us in the free world could never imagine. As I read the final pages of the book my heart broke for my brothers and sisters in Christ...my family who are in chains even at this very moment. The conviction I felt was overwhelming as I thought about my own life in contrast to those believers who unashamedly with great fervency share the amazing hope of the Gospel.

At the end of the book Mr. Wurmbrand implored the church not to forget those who are suffering for their faith. He reminds his readers that all Christians are part of the Body of Christ and that if one part of the body is in pain it affects the entire body. It was a heavy book with an even heavier message, one that we in America hardly ever think about.

I am left speechless and humbled.

Here are some links for those of you who would like to get more involved with the plight of the persecuted church:

http://www.persecution.com/public/homepage.aspx?clickfrom=bWFpbl9tZW51
(the homepage of Voice of the Martyrs. You can request a copy of their free monthly newsletter, which I would highly recommend!)

http://www.prisoneralert.com/
(A website of Christians who have been imprisoned. It also contains information on how to write them notes of encouragement and other avenues such as imploring the government of their country to release them)

http://www.vombooks.com/
(a resource site on books pertaining to the persecuted church)

http://www.persecutionblog.com/
(weblog about the persecution of Christians around the world)

"If one part [of the Body] suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

- I Corinthians 12:26

My Heart Aches Today

2009-06-25T12:18:00.003-04:00

Lord give me peace and patience to trust in your perfect timing.

Happy Birthday Paisley!!

2009-06-22T11:33:00.005-04:00

One Year Old!!

Feeling Lost

2009-06-22T00:26:00.006-04:00

It has been an odd couple of days for me. I went from feeling so encouraged and content with life to being utterly discouraged and lost. I'm sure I can cast some of the blame for these out of control emotions on the fact that sleep has been evasive and I still have a painfully long work week ahead of me. However I am more than sure that there are other issues behind these thoughts. There have been other times I have mentioned this restlessness before and how these feelings seem to come in waves and I wonder, is this normal? Am I supposed to feel so lost?

I've been in the Word every day which has been wonderful and many times during my days I sense the Lord speaking truth to me and reminding me of where my focus must lie but it is such a struggle! I feel discontent when I see old acquaintances pursuing dreams that I once had but never saw come to fruition. I feel, like always, a few steps behind everyone else, like I can't quite keep up and don't quite fit in. Now as I write this I recognize there are multiple sins here that have led my heart to long for anything other than what I have. I too often covet the lives of others, as I watch them use their amazing gifts for God's glory but when I look at the small gift in my own hands it appears so incredibly insignificant. Yes, I struggle with the desire to be recognized and valued by others. If they just saw ... then they would see how much more value I posses. My heart longs for the deep friendships I see other women cultivating but that I never seemed to grasp. Is there something wrong with me?

In the end I know I'll never be the prettiest, most talented, driven, passionate etc. So, why does this bother me so much? Why am I plagued with the desire to do something great for the Lord? Maybe I just want to do something great for me. I don't know. I'm sure all of this rambling is more confusing to those looking in but I just have to throw this out there as I'm trying to sort it all out. Deep down I know these temptations, sins and struggles all go back to the fact that I continue to forget my true identity in Christ. I want to live that out but right now I don't even know where to start.

A Life of Discipline

2009-06-12T01:12:00.007-04:00

Well I hope this entry begins to put me on track again for posting on a more regular basis. I've kind of slacked off a bit. Well now that I'm back from vacation I feel as if I am back to life. The kiddos at work are now on their summer vacation which has given me some time to relax. I don't have to worry about getting them up for morning routine and dealing with the attitude so a week or so of a break is wonderful.

Outside of work, life has been okay. On a high note Jon and I have enjoyed three days off together which have been wonderful. However some of that time was filled with some frustrations that we are sure to face more of once we are in ministry full time. I have been continually reminded that unless we are grounded and focused on the Lord we will not be able to be involved in meaningful and God-honoring ministry ever. So we've been learning, growing, and struggling through lessons that God has given us, because unfortunately there is no detailed instruction manual on how to do ministry. In the midst of these lessons I'm thankful for a husband who loves me and more importantly loves the Lord and longs to serve Christ as best he can. I'm also thankful for my parents who have been in ministry as long as I've been alive. Those years of experience will be helpful as I go to them for prayer, advice, and even just a listening ear. I can only imagine how much of a blessing that will be further on down the road.

Anyways, so yes, life goes on. On a side note, I have been reading a couple of books and during my reading I was convicted of the fact that I have never in my 26 years read the entire Bible. I've read large portions of it but I honestly have never read through the entire book. So I found a Bible reading plan online and started this whole process May 19th and by the grace of God have been going strong so far. If I stick to the plan I will be able to read through the Bible in a year. It has been a huge blessing and challenge as I strive to discipline myself to read 3-4 chapters a day. It's funny how just reading, not even studying, just reading that much scripture has changed my outlook and attitude.

Speaking of being disciplined, I have also started working out! I've been meaning to get into this habit since Jon and I first got married but I never really tried all that hard. My workout time today was a hard one and as I strained to keep going I was reminded how important living a disciplined life is and I've never been all that good in terms of discipline. So here begins a new chapter in my life as I strive to be a more disciplined servant of Christ. We'll see how all this goes.

"Godly people are disciplined people."

"...We recognize that even the most iron-willed self-discipline will not make us more holy, for growth in holiness is a gift from God. On the other hand, we can do something to further the process. God has given us the spiritual disciplines as a means of receiving his grace and growing in Godliness. By them we place ourselves before God for Him to work in us."

- For the Purpose of Godliness (Donald Whitney)

Sunny CA- Part 1

2009-06-09T14:36:00.011-04:00

We have finally settled back into our normal routine after an absolutely fabulous vacation out on the west coast. I think we took over 400 pictures while we were out in California so I'll do my best to keep them to a minimum, only showing you the highlights of the trip. It is gonna be a bit hard though.

Well, for those of you who have followed some of my most recent blog posts you know our original reason for going out to CA was for Jon's brother's college graduation from Biola.

Our time in the LA area was filled with graduation festivities, including a cook out, cake and a drive through the city to see the sights (Hollywood Blvd, Kodak Theatre, and Beverly Hills etc). Despite all of the wonderful experiences most the our time in LA was taken up by this...

Don't think I'll be moving to LA any time soon!! Ugh. Anyways, it was such a blessing to spend time with Jon's family and to celebrate this wonderful accomplishment Matthew has achieved. We're proud of him!

After spending three days in the LA area Jon and I set out on our own and took the HUGE rental car up the Pacific Coast Highway. We had heard that this scenic drive was amazing but nothing could have prepared us for what was to come. As our long drive began we saw some beautiful beaches and made numerous stops to take pictures.

The further up the coast we drove the more amazing the scenery became. Soon Jon was navigating the narrow two lane road up the side of a mountain with breathtaking cliffs on the other side. The sights made the long 9 hour drive more than worth it.

Here is a slide show of the pictures we took during the first part of our trip. If you feel like taking a look; go for it. When I get the chance I'll post the next blog about our time in San Francisco! I loved it.

A quick note

2009-06-05T01:48:00.004-04:00

Jon and I have been back from our California vacation for a week now and I obviously haven't been able to post any pictures yet. Jon has been in his last summer class all week from 8am-5pm so computer and internet access has been limited. Anyway, the trip was amazing and I hope to post some pictures soon. So for the small percentage of people who read my blog...I'm still here. :-) More posts to come soon. Here is a little preview...

A view from the Pacific Coast Highway

One More Night

2009-05-18T03:36:00.012-04:00

This picture made me laugh and completely expresses how I have felt at work lately.

After my shift today I have one more night of work left before my vacation begins! That hope of vacation has sustained me through some trying days at work lately. I almost wish I could video tape a morning in the life of a staff at Maryhurst. On Friday I was cussed out, called a racist and given more attitude than I would care to deal with. This all came about because I asked the girls to sit in the dinning room during breakfast, as is the general expectation for every meal. You would have thought that I asked them to rip off their arm and give it to me. Oh geez. When I got home that morning I broke down and cried feeling so incredibly frustrated with the attitude of the girls we deal with. Even now, after I've had the weekend to recover I'm still stumped when I try to think of how best to love these children without letting them completely trample all over me. It's difficult to show grace when the kids inevitably throw it away without a second thought. For example: After the terrible morning routine on Friday I was tempted (and completely within my rights) to give out consequences for their behaviors however due to the situation and the number of girls who chose to be disrespectful and ignore the directions of staff I decided in a more grace-filled approach to instead remind them of the expectations. I printed out a sheet of paper containing all of the general expectations for the morning to make sure we were all on the same page. Well that night when I came to work a couple of the girls had torn up their pieces of paper, stuffed them into a plastic baggie and left it in the hallway for 3rd shift to pick up...yeah...so...hmmm. Ahhh!! I was steamed.

Anyways, hopefully you can see my point here. It's so difficult living out the Gospel in this context without words. So I guess the only way I can think to do this is to be gracious when they respond in anger, hold them accountable for their actions despite how they treat us and forgive even when they don't ask for it. I have been reminded again this weekend that, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) Just when I thought I had been stretched to my breaking point I felt a flood of God's grace remind me yet again that Christ died for ones such as these. The least I can do is learn how to love and serve them better.

What the next two mornings may hold I can only imagine but I'm praying tonight that the Lord will prepare my heart to be his hands and feet in the lives of these kids. It's daunting and frustrating to lay aside what I consider to be my rights in order that the kids may hopefully see Christ in me. No matter how much I want this time here at Maryhurst to be over, I don't want to waste it. God is still teaching me.

Where is the church?

2009-05-10T04:33:00.004-04:00

I've spent a good deal of time thinking and journaling tonight and I thought I would share something I have been mulling over. As I've said before, the Lord has been teaching me so much over these past couple of months. He has been reminding me of gifts he has given me and has opened my eyes to some of the beauty of Christian fellowship that I have never known before. Yet tonight, I find myself frustrated. I'm frustrated with the fact that my passion/fire for the things of God seems to ebb and flow when I wonder, "Shouldn't it should be more of a consistent force in my life?" I honestly feel very lukewarm, which is terrifying.

I have read often about the early church (specifically in the book of Acts) where the power of the Lord was heavy upon his people and they were quick to follow his leading. They were a people of prayer, conviction, studying the Word, fellowship, evangelism, accountability and love. I began studying the book of John the first chapter and in that chapter we see Jesus call his first disciples. These men walked with Christ, listened to his teachings, watched his mighty hand heal the sick and bring the dead to life. Those men saw him pray. Despite the fact that the disciples were staring at the very face of their Savior it wasn't until Jesus had ascended to heaven and the Holy Spirit filled them that there was any lasting and powerful movement in their hearts.

I've told Jon before that there is a certain fear in my heart regarding our calling to minister to the church here in America. We are so dry...so dead. Now I know this is a generalization because I've seen churches here in the states where God is genuinely moving. However I'm sadly aware that this is not the majority. I think part of this fear comes with the fact that I wonder if I may be a part of that majority, those who are unmoved by the sacrificial life of the Savior and unmoved by what his atoning blood has done on our behalf.

So I wonder. Why am I so easily swayed? Why do my passions quickly flicker out when I'm tired and overwhelmed with life? Isn't there something more? Shouldn't my life be more vibrant than that? Do I just need to resign myself to the fact that total victory over the trials of this world will not come on this side of Heaven or is there more God desires for us here? Where is the hunger? Where is the passion? Where is the conviction that burns in a repentant heart? Where is the love of Christ? Where is prayer? Where is the power of God? Is there not more than this and if so, why aren't we seeing it?

These are all burning questions that I am not necessarily posing to the church but more so to myself. I desire so deeply to see God capture the hearts of his people and I honestly wonder what keeps mine locked away from that freedom and power. I have found no specific answers to these questions but I know I desire more and that is what I will pray for. I can't imagine my life is exactly where God desires for me to be so I'm not willing to settle for anything less.

As Jon and I pray over where the Lord will eventually lead us my heart cries out to God asking him to use us in some small way to see change occur. May the teaching of God's word convict the hearts of his people so that they, that we would be transformed!

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone...Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

- Romans 12:9-18, 21

Looking Ahead

2009-05-09T06:40:00.007-04:00

It has been an overwhelming and frustrating couple of weeks, mainly because I've struggled to cope well with all of the stress. I feel very close to my breaking point (especially tonight). However thanks to a wonderful husband who chooses to show me his love by being honest and holding me accountable...I am reminded I have a lot of wonderful things coming up. So to help cheer myself up a bit here is a list of 10 things I have to look forward to the remainder of the year. These are in no particular order and I'm sure I'm leaving many others out.

#1- Our trip out to California
We fly out to LA for Matthew's graduation and then drive up the coast to San Francisco. It will be about a whole week without any responsibilities or stress from work. Woohoo!!

#2- Just being able to spend more time with my husband.
Now that Jon is out of school for the summer we have an infinite amount of time to devote to each other. It will be nice to have our date nights back, maybe take the puppy to a new class at the Humane Society, and just enjoy Louisville in the summer.

#3- Seeing my family in July!!
They are heading up for a family vacation in Tennessee and Jon and I will be able to drive down there for a couple of days. Unfortunately I don't think my sister Heather and her husband Michael will be able to make it but it will still be nice to finally see my family again. It has been too long!

#4- July 22nd, 2009
Jon and I will celebrate our three year anniversary on that day. It's crazy how time flies.

#5- Enjoying the summer
I can't wait to really have some time to enjoy the sun, swim, lay out, take the puppy to the park etc. I'm gonna soak it up!

#6- Planting our first garden
We have a small section of dirt attached to our patio and we hope to plant a few vegetables. Honestly we hardly have any idea what we're doing but Jon is having a lot of fun reading up on what to plant. We've already bought some onion bulbs and broccoli plants. There are a few other ideas we are throwing around. It will be our pet project for the summer.

#7- Spiritual Growth
God has been teaching and challenging me so much this year and it's only May. I can hardly wait to see where he will bring me by the end of 2009.

#8- The final year!
I can hardly contain my excitement knowing that this will most likely be my last full year of working 3rd shift. I think I've forgotten what it's like to sleep at night.

#9- The Next Step
Sometime in the fall we will begin the daunting and thrilling task of seeking out where the Lord will call us in ministry. Who knows where he will lead us.

#10- Bye bye Southern!!
Jon will graduate from Southern Seminary (December 10th!!!!)

More Thoughts on Adoption

2009-05-05T05:36:00.009-04:00

I've been thinking about adoption once again lately. It's funny how these emotions come in waves. There is never a time I forget this desire but it's almost like these feelings lay dormant until stirred, which is what took place a few days ago. Jon and I were talking about some thoughts and concerns about adopting a child who is a different ethnicity than us. There are a ton of things to think about and pray over when you are considering "transracial" adoption and I am convinced more than ever that since the questions and doubts are innumerable and easily distracting we must fully trust in the Lord. Faith in His calling and complete trust in His provision will be some of the foundational truths we will need to remember when He begins us on this amazing journey.

I've been praying over and journaling a lot about some of the questions that have been swirling around in my mind. Here are only a few of those questions. :

- How will the timing of our adoption work out? When in the order of children will we feel lead to pursue this option?
- How can we make our beautiful little girl completely part of the family?
- Do we, or how much do we integrate her culture with the culture of our family?
- How can we make her feel like a special part of our family without making the other children feel less loved or longed for?
- How would I handle rude comments from people about our adopted daughter?
- Should I encourage her to embrace her culture or let her decide that on her on?
- How will family and friends react?

I know I've mentioned this before but more than anything I long for our children (however many that may be) to most importantly come to know the Lord who has adopted us as his sons and daughters. Along with their growing love for God I desire for them to enjoy learning about other cultures and hopefully to instill within them a heart for missions/evangelism.

As I am often tempted to worry about things that are not even issues yet I am reminded that we are not even close to needing any answers. These questions may not even come up for years because most likely when we do pursue adoption our other child/children will be young. All of these questions remind me again and again that the questions are not what my focus needs to be on, I need to learn further what it means to trust the Lord and wait patiently on his perfect timing.

Sorry if this was a bit all over the place but that is what my mind is sifting through right now. I realize that a lot of people who might read this may find me crazy for thinking so much about a child I have never seen or held but I can't explain it. There are no words to show how exciting it is that God has placed this passion on the heart of me and my husband. Who knows what this journey will look like and when it will begin but I'm sure it will be amazing!!

-----------------------------------------

Just a funny aside: I was thinking of praying that all of our children would look different so that our adopted daughter could see that none of us really looked the same. Jon's family are all red-heads, my dad has blonde hair and my mom is a brunette. So we could have kids that are blonde, brunette, red-headed and...black ;-) How great would that be?!?

Grace In Rivers

2009-05-03T00:36:00.020-04:00

It's no surprise to those who know me well that I've been struggling with being content in my current job. Chalk it up to working nights for over 3 years, difficult situations at work, selfishness, discontentment, whatever you like, but no matter what the reason may be these frustrations and emotions have gotten the better of me. I've been angry, bitter, emotional, sad...it has just been rough for a couple of weeks. After an emotional night yesterday I was at my wits end. So I sat down and asked the Lord to show me what was going on and why my heart was so callused.

I spent some time reading through scripture (some chapters out of Psalm and Isaiah) and I journaled a bit. The time spent in the word was encouraging and refocused my eyes on things above but I still felt like I didn't have any more insight or clarity in how to handle all of these emotions. Later on during the night I began to read more of the Amy Carmichael book. Amy was a strong woman with even stronger convictions. She didn't want any people coming out to the mission field with a rose colored perspective. The work that Amy partook of was difficult and by no means glamorous. She even said:

"Not a word of attraction can I write to [a prospective recruit]. It will be desperately hard work, iron would snap under the strain of it. I ask for steel, that quality which is at the back of all going on, patience which cannot be tired out, and love that loves in every deed, unto death."

Amy talked about how "grace in rivers was required for this" when she spoke of workers doing the most mundane and seemingly unimportant jobs around the compound.

As I read through a few chapters a truth that I have known for some time hit me again. This job that I am working now may not be God's calling for the rest of my life but it is his calling for this period in time. No matter how long I am here or how difficult it may be this is a calling and a mission field nonetheless. Although some may equate prestige/honor to those working with this demographic my job is in no way glamorous. So instead of just sucking it up and waiting it out until God moves me elsewhere I've been convicted to pray. In these prayers I have asked the Lord to overflow my life with grace in rivers because these small drops of grace I've been living off of have left me parched. His grace will be the only thing that can sustain me. So God is lovingly dealing with my sinful emotions and teaching me that as a Christian my life, all that I do, is hidden in Christ. That identity makes everything I put my hand to a task that can bring glory to my Savior and a task that is not done alone.

It's a dangerous place to be when I think in "if onlys". If only I could have a new job, if only Jon and I could start our family, if only I could work during the day...then I would be happy. No other calling will be painless and easy, not if I am following the will of God. His greatest desire is for my life to bring Him glory and that can only happen if my life is transformed into the image of Christ. That transformation requires hardship and sacrifice and I just feel like I am beginning to grasp what that may mean. I hesitate to even use the word sacrifice and hardship when I read about my brothers and sisters all over the world who are dying for their faith. The lives of those who have given up everything spurs me on to remember the One I serve who gave up everything for me. I've got a lot to learn.

A card pasted on the inside front cover of Amy Carmichael's Bible:

"These children are dear to me. Be a mother to them, and more than a mother. Watch over them tenderly, be just and kind. If any heart is not large enough to embrace them, I will enlarge it after a pattern of my own. If these young children are docile and obedient, bless Me for it; if they are froward, call upon Me for help; if they weary thee, I will be thy consolation; if thou sink under thy burden, I will be thy reward."

The 135th Kentucky Derby

2009-05-02T00:33:00.004-04:00

I honestly have nothing new to talk about so...you should check out my husband's blog. He recently posted a great entry on the annual Run for the Roses. It's Derby time folks!

http://thegrovesblog.blogspot.com/

A Stirring

2009-04-27T03:22:00.005-04:00

Antonio Corrandini- Bust of a Veiled Woman (Puritas)

"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is Spirit."
- II Corinthians 3:16-18

New and exciting things are happening. This new work has nothing to do with my physical surroundings and circumstances, it has to do with my heart. God is once again putting a burden in my heart for those who do not know Christ. To be honest that is what my life use to look like and it saddens me to know that many of my current friends haven't seen that part of me. Evangelism was my passion and I would actively look for opportunities to talk about Christ. However, during my sophomore year of college all of that changed. I had moved to a new state, and started a new school. Despite the fact that I had grown up moving all the time, this time was different. I felt utterly alone and struggled with a variety of issues that year which left me completely focused on myself. I had lost my first love and I had forgotten a calling the Lord had placed on my life...a call to go, and tell.

Despite how lost I felt, God was still doing a work in my heart. He had directed me to study missions in college (which funny enough is all about evangelism). I graduated college with a degree in Christian ministries emphasizing missions. After school I worked at Starbucks (sure it's no Papua New Guinea) but during my time there I was given opportunities to talk with my co-workers about Christ. Once I moved to Louisville I began working at this home for girls and saw the Lord open up a door for me to lead a Bible study with some of the kids. During all of this I felt like something was stirring yet my passion was not there. It was not like things had been in high school (more stories about that some day...maybe). It truly felt like part of me was asleep.

However, since December the embers have been stoked again and this new work has been stirring in my heart. God has been healing old wounds and reminding me of my new life in him! God has worked in my heart removing pride and teaching me how to cultivate humility (which he will continue to do until the day I die). I'm sure there have been a multitude of things that have brought me to this point, which I need write down and explore more but in the end as I watch God's hand working I am utterly amazed. The Gospel has become alive to me, in a way that it never has before. Since the Gospel has rooted itself even deeper into my life I am overwhelmed with the thought of keeping such wonderful freedom and hope to myself.

A few days ago I prayed for the first time in years specifically asking God to bring opportunities for me to share my faith. Lo and behold, I have seen the Lord open up a surprising number of doors to share the Gospel. God has been teaching me more than I can take in. These things I have learned and the opportunities I have been given are so sweet that I can't bear to think of having any less yet they are so daunting that I am struggling to fully trust the Lord's guidance.

So that is the new and exciting work. My heart is stirred to begin more actively sharing my faith. I honestly have no idea what that will end up looking like but these new opportunities are teaching me to always keep my eyes open to what God may have me do. There is much I can write about but right now I just desire prayer that God would continue to do a mighty work and that I would unashamedly share the reason for the hope that I have (I Peter 3:15-16). There is still much fear of man in my heart and a strong sense of inadequacy but thankfully God's grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect in weakness!

"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." - II Corinthians 4:4

O Father, break our hearts!!

If we truly love and care for them, how could we keep silent?

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!

2009-04-20T05:33:00.002-04:00

Two posts in one day...whew. Well I couldn't forget to leave a post for my parents wishing them a happy 29th wedding anniversary!

Mom and Dad,

I love you both so much and am blessed beyond measure to have your godly marriage to look to. Your advice and love over the years has taught me more than I can say. Thank you!! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you but I'm hoping our little gift will help out with that! Have a beautiful day celebrating all the years that God has blessed you with.

Love always,
Kristen

California Dreaming

2009-04-20T04:31:00.016-04:00

There continues to be nothing new and exciting in our neck of the woods. My heart still longs to move on to full time ministry but God is beginning to settle my heart a bit. However I am seriously looking forward to our trip out to California at the end of May. Our flight leaves on either the 21st or 22nd (I can't remember. It's a good thing Jon has all of that under control). We will be out there for a whole week and I can't wait! We'll spend the first couple of days in the LA area with Jon's family for Matthew's graduation and a few days later Jon and I will drive up the pacific coast to San Francisco for an early anniversary celebration. Did I mention that I seriously can't wait for this trip? It is long overdue.

Jon only has a couple weeks of classes left until his spring semester comes to a close and we begin our sprint to the finish. Woohoo!! I know he is excited but also a little overwhelmed because he still has quite a bit to do before he is finished. We are both ready for a change and I think California will do just the trick. Oooo, makes me want to pick and leave right now.

The only new thing with me is that I have finally finished the David Brainerd book (which is an incredible story and well worth the time) and have now moved on to A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael, written by Elisabeth Elliot. I've really been enjoying reading through biographies of missionaries and I still have a long list of books I would like to read. I'm sure many more will get added to this list.

Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret

- Praying Hyde, Apostle of Prayer: The Life Story of John Hyde

- To the Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson

- Jungle Pilot

- Through Gates of Splendor

- Shadow of the Almighty

Another book I thought looked fascinating is: Eternity in Their Hearts: Startling Evidence of Belief in the One True God in Hundreds of Cultures Throughout the World (written by Don Richardson). He is the same man who wrote Peace Child, an amazing book about his life as a missionary in the jungles of Papua New Guinea and how God broke through to the tribal people he was ministering to.

Anyways, so yeah I'm trying to use this time to stir and prepare my heart for ministry in the coming years. God is continuing to give my heart a burden for missions though I'm still not entirely sure why. I long to be earnest in hearing the heart of my Savior and following his leading. A quote I read from the Amy Carmichael book stood out to me last night, "Satan is so much more in earnest than we are - he buys up the opportunity while we are wondering how much it will cost." I desire know the voice of my Savior so clearly that I will be quick to obey even if I think the cost will be great. My ministry at this point in my life is not exactly what I imagined it but God is moving and I want to continue to live in that moment and not just look forward to something "better." I'm learning, slowly.

A quick aside. This morning at church a song lyric convicted my heart so much so that I couldn't even sing it.

"Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your kingdom's cause..."

Do I live like that? Lord stir my heart. Despite how mundane life seems at times God is still moving in a mighty way and I'm thankful. So yeah, that's about it with me. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise. His greatness no one can fathom!!